


The No Homo Bros

by sekaiyeols



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Updates, Unrequited Love, a lot of memes, baek is a headass, chatfic, despite what some of them say theyre all p gay lol, it gets slightly angsty, most of it is funny tho i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-04-07 04:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14073384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekaiyeols/pseuds/sekaiyeols
Summary: In which Sehun and Chanyeol are gay for each other but can't bring themselves to admit it. Chaos ensures.(in other words a messy high school exo chatfic because i have nothing better to do)





	1. baekhyun lets yixing get away with anything

byunbaek: baekhyun

oohsehun: sehun

pcyeol: chanyeol

umin: minseok

kyungsoo: kyungsoo

mom: junmyeon

chenchen: jongdae

nini: jongin

xing: yixing

loo: luhan

kriswu: kris

zeetaoh: tao

 

-krishantao will come in later in the story-

 

**\- - - - -**

 

**_\- the pasta thief -_ **

 

byunbaek: ALERT

 

byunbaek : WII U WII U WII U

 

byunbaek: 

 

umin: what

 

byunbaek: IVE BEEN ROBBED

 

nini: oh god

 

mom: i told you to lock your front door i swear to god

 

byunbaek: the door was locked stfu

 

byunbaek: this was no ordinary robbery

 

byunbaek: it was someone from the inside

 

byunbaek: someone has sTOLEN MY LEFTOVER FETTUCCINE

 

nini: i swear to god

 

pcyeol: i stopped zootopia for this

 

chenchen: i guess you could say

 

chenchen: somebody touched your spaghet

 

chenchen: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

 

pcyeol: [Announcement] someone touched your spaghet

 

mom: pls no

 

byunbaek: THIS IS A HATE CRIME

 

kyungsoo: How is it a hate crime?

 

byunbaek: because I hate it

 

byunbaek: I SPECIFICALLY REMEMBER WRITING MY NAME ALL OVER THE BOX

 

byunbaek: WHOEVER DID THIS HAS NO EXCUSE

 

pcyeol: hey baekhyun

 

byunbaek: yEs?

 

pcyeol: shut up no one cares about your pasta

 

byunbaek: fuck you

 

byunbaek: i was SAVORING THAT FUCKING PASTA

 

umin: you do know you can make more right

 

umin: there’s heavy cream and parmesan in your fridge

 

byunbaek: okay one I’m not even going to question how you know that

 

byunbaek: two if I try to cook I’m gonna burn my house down

 

byunbaek: and three tHATS NOT THE POINT

 

byunbaek: SOMEONE STOLE FROM ME

 

byunbaek: AND IM GOING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS

 

byunbaek: I bet this is because I’m korean this is racist

 

nini: so are the rest of us except for yixing

 

byunbaek: xing would never do this how dare you I bet it was you

 

byunbaek: whoever did this WILL pay

 

byunbaek: THEY SHALL FACE MY WRATH

 

oohsehun: bitch what wrath

 

oohsehun: should i mention what happened at the haunted house last year

 

chenchen: TEA

 

pcyeol: SPILL

 

umin: oH ?

 

kyungsoo: ??

 

byunbaek: i will cut your dick off and staple it to your forehead

 

kyungsoo: kinky

 

pcyeol: that’s hostile

 

oohsehun: fine

 

oohsehun: hepunchedoneoftheactorswhentheyscaredhimsohehadtobribehimtoavoidalawsuit

 

nini: LMAOOOOOOOO

 

pcyeol: EIDHSJDHDJSJ

 

mom: SJDJSJJDJSJDSKSMD PUSSY

 

kyungsoo: NO WAY

 

chenchen: PUSSY ASS SSKKDJDHSJDJDJ

 

chenchen: 

 

chenchen: tHeY sHaLL fAcE My wRaTH

 

umin: STOPSHDSHDH

 

byunbaek: LISTEN HERE BI TCH

 

byunbaek: COME @ ME

 

oohsehun: please come and try

 

oohsehun: w ur short ass

 

pcyeol: OOOOOOO

 

pcyeol: GET EM BRO

 

oohsehun: YOU ALREADY KNOW BRO

 

pcyeol: LOOK AT MY BRO GO

 

oohsehun: I KNEW YOUD HAVE MY BACK BRO

 

pcyeol: I ALWAYS WILL BRO

 

oohsehun: WOW MY HEART WENT POOM POOM BRO

 

pcyeol: BRO REALLY DKFHSJDFH

 

oohsehun: THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO ME BRO FJHFHFH

 

pcyeol: 

 

oohsehun:  

 

umin: gross

 

chenchen: that was gay

 

byunbaek: ew

 

pcyeol: shut

 

oohsehun: ^

 

byunbaek: anyways confess now and take it the easy way or else you’ll get the hard way

 

chenchen: if i may ask

 

chenchen: whats the hard way ;)

 

byunbaek: FUCKING NO

 

umin: UM

 

umin: BITCH ???

 

chenchen: IM SORRY SHDHSJDJE

 

xing: oh that food was yours? i’m so sorry >_<

 

xing: i was really tired and i must’ve missed your name on it, I’ll make you more if you want

 

nini: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

chenchen: LMAOOO LETS SEE YOUR WRATH

 

oohsehun: SHJDSJDHSJD

 

mom: AHAHAHAHAHA

 

pcyeol: SHE WASNT EXPECTING THAT

 

byunbaek: oh no xing sweetie it’s okay! I didn’t want it that much anyways, don’t worry about it <3

 

kyungsoo: whipped

 

chenchen: ^

 

umin: ^^

 

pcyeol: ^^^

 

oohsehun: ^^^^

 

mom: ^^^^^

 

nini: ^^^^^^

 

byunbaek: this is cyberbullying

 

chenchen: i still want to know what the hard way was

 

byunbaek: choke

 

chenchen: only by ur hands ;)

 

umin: im right here ???????

 

\------

 

_\- no homo bro -_

 

oohsehun: hi i need opinions

 

pcyeol: what is it

 

byunbaek: ??

 

oohsehun: 

 

oohsehun: should I post

 

byunbaek: OOF YES

 

mom: YES YOU LOOK BOMB

 

pcyeol: OOOOO MY BOI GOIN TO SCHOOL FUCK IT UP KENNETH

 

pcyeol: but seriously yes you look so good bro

 

oohsehun: bro really

 

pcyeol: totally bro

 

pcyeol: bro your thighs look good in those jeans you should wear them more

 

oohsehun: omg bro fr ive been waiting for someone to notice I’ve been working on them

 

pcyeol: your arms look nice too bro

 

pcyeol: do you lift bro

 

oohsehun: fuck yeah I do bro

 

pcyeol: it’s starting to show bro they look good as fuc

 

oohsehun: bro you really think so?

 

pcyeol: of course bro

 

pcyeol: 

 

pcyeol: you look like a five star meal bro

 

oohsehun: bro omg stoppppp

 

oohsehun: that made my heart flutter bro

 

pcyeol: you make my heart flutter bro

 

pcyeol: but no homo bro

 

oohsehun: bro

 

pcyeol: bro

 

mom: I’m-

 

umin: oh my god

 

byunbaek: that’s so gay

 

xing: ^

 

chenchen: THAT WAS THE GAYEST THING

 

kyungsoo: take your gay away

 

oohsehun: this is homophobic 

 

pcyeol: you tell em bro

 

oohsehun: you know it bro

 

nini: when will you two admit that you’re gay for each other it’s been 15 years

 

kyungsoo: [Announcement] when will you two admit that you’re gay for each other it’s been 15 years

 

byunbaek: [Announcement] when will you two admit that you’re gay for each other it’s been 15 years

 

chenchen: [Announcement] when will you two admit that you’re gay for each other it’s been 15 years

 

umin: i mean he’s not wrong

 

mom: ^

 

oohsehun: i, the machoest of all machos? gay? hA

 

byunbaek: you? the machoest of all machos? hA

 

pcyeol: [Announcement] you? the machoest of all machos? hA

 

chenchen: SHDJEJHDSJJ

 

nini: LMAOOOOOOO

 

kyungsoo: LOL

 

xing: i heard a lie

 

oohsehun: wow bro I thought you had my back

 

pcyeol: im sorry bro you gotta admit it was funny

 

oohsehun: okay just a little bit but still

 

oohsehun: i thought you were there for me

 

oohsehun: i was wrong

 

byunbaek: what kdrama is this

 

umin: this tea 

 

pcyeol: BUT WHAT ABOUT US

 

pcyeol: wHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WEVE BEEN THROUGH

 

oohsehun: WHAT ABOUT TRUST

 

pcyeol: YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU

 

oohsehun: WHAT ABOUT ME

 

pcyeol: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

 

oohsehun: I GOTTA LEAVE BUT ILL MISS YOUUUUU

 

pcyeol: IVE GOT TO MOVE ON AND BE WHO I AM

 

oohsehun: I JUST DONT BELONG HERE I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND

 

pcyeol: YOU MIGHT FIND A PLACE IN THIS WORLD SOMEDAY

 

oohsehun: BUT AT LEAST FOR NOW

 

pcyeol: I GOTTA GO MY OWN WAAAAAAAAAY

 

oohsehun: I GOTTA GO MY OWN WAYYYYYYY

 

**_kyungsoo has kicked pcyeol and oohsehun from the chat_ **

 

kyungsoo: you’re welcome

 

nini: bless you

 

byunbaek: king

 

xing: doing God’s work

 

**_xing has changed_ _kyungsoo_ _’s name to_ _lord soo_ **

 

xing: nothing but respect for _my_ president

 

byunbaek: it’s so quiet now it’s abnormal

 

nini: not for long sehun won’t stop spamming me to add him back I’m about to walk over and break his phone

 

chenchen: ugh fine

 

**_nini added oohsehun and pcyeol to the chat_ **

 

oohsehun: okay FIRST OFF

 

oohsehun: RUDE

 

oohsehun: SECOND OFF

 

oohsehun: yeol tf??

 

\- - -

 

**_You are now chatting with byunbaek._ **

 

pcyeol: FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

pcyeol: WAS I TOO OBVIOUS

 

byunbaek: you literally called him a meal wHAT DO YOU THINK

 

byunbaek: I WAS WONDERING HOW FAR YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE IT

 

pcyeol: DO YOU THINK HE’S WEIRDED OUT

 

pcyeol: FUCK DID I JUST RUIN IT FUCK ME

 

byunbaek: OKAY BUT HE WASNT EVEN TAKEN ABACK WHEN YOU SAID IT THAT MOMENT

 

pcyeol: WHAT IF HE WAS PLAYING ALONG

 

pcyeol: BAEK IM SCA R EDJDFHFBBDN

 

byunbaek: ITS OKAY JUST LIKE

 

byunbaek: BREATHE OR SMTH

 

pcyeol: I LIKE HIM SO MUCH WHAT IS THIS FEELING FHKSDFKLJDF

 

pcyeol: PLUS BITCH DID YOU S E E THAT PHOTO HE SENT

 

pcyeol: IS HE TR Y I NG TO KILL ME FUC K

 

byunbaek: god youre the GAYEST human alive

 

pcyeol: i knowwwww sdhfkdjshfjkshf

 

pcyeol: fuck he’s so perfect i watn to dIE

 

pcyeol: WH AT DO I DOHFJDHFHDA

 

byunbaek: i have an idea

 

byunbaek: do what normal people do and ask him out ???

 

pcyeol: okay but what if he doesn’t like me back and i end up making a fool of myself and he starts to hate me and i never get to see his beautiful smile ever again

 

byunbaek: okay but what if he DOES like you

 

byunbaek: tell anyone i said this and ill cut your balls off but

 

byunbaek: you’re not that bad mate

 

pcyeol: who are you and what have you done to my best friend

 

pcyeol: but really ??

 

byunbaek: yes really

 

byunbaek: sehun would be a headass not to at least give you a chance

 

byunbaek: well even more of a headass

 

pcyeol: fuck i might do it

 

pcyeol: OOF IM ACTUALLY CONSIDERING IT THIS MAKES MY TUMMY FEEL WEIRD WHAT IS THIS

 

byunbaek: your cute :-)

 

pcyeol: *youre

 

byunbaek: this is why I’m never nice to you

 

\- - -

 

**_You are now chatting with nini._ **

 

oohsehun: DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

 

nini: yes omG

 

oohsehun: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

oohsehun: HE SAI D MY THIGH S LOOKED NICE

 

oohsehun: HE WAS LOOKING AT MY THIGHS JONGI N I CANT BRAEHT

 

nini: he was being so painfully obvious

 

nini: and you still doubt that he’s gay for you

 

oohsehun: WHAT IF HE WAS LIKE JOKING AROUND

 

nini: oh sehun could you be ANY MORE DENSE ???

 

nini: i’m sure no man who isn’t at least the slightest bit interested in you would call you a “five star meal bro”

 

oohsehun: but he said no homo tho

 

nini: OH SEHUN I SWEAR TO GOD

 

oohsehun: we used to joke like that all the time too smh dont be rude

 

nini: okay but that was different

 

nini: i’m your best friend it’s what we do

 

nini: chanyeol on the other hand isnt

 

nini: he better not be smh

 

oohsehun: okay but im still really close friends with him

 

oohsehun: i really want to see how things are with him i like him so muc hdhkjfakjfh

 

oohsehun: idk my heart is doing things to me im so fokin hAPPY

 

nini: I’m glad :-)

 

nini: you deserve it

 

oohsehun: aWWWW JONGIN

 

nini: don’t make me regret it

 

oohsehun: fine fine

 

oohsehun: but help me what should I do I’m freaking the fuck out

 

nini: idk maybe ask him out ??????

 

oohsehun: iDk mAyBe aSK hIM oUt ??????

 

nini: wow I’m trying to hElp you and you’re being so RUDE

 

oohsehun: I’m sorry but what kind of HEADASS would ask out their crush the fuc jongin ???

 

nini: you’re kidding right

 

nini: please tell me you’re joking

 

oohsehun: do you thINk I’m joking right now ??

 

oohsehun: even if I wanted to ask him my anxiety will never allow me to do that

 

nini: see this is where it gets good

 

nini: literally everyone except you can see that he’s cleArly interested in you

 

nini: but let’s be real he’s a little bitch when it comes to crushes

 

nini: but this is where is gets good

 

nini: because chanyeol gets persuaded easily

 

oohsehun: wow gee I nEver knew that thanks jongin !

 

nini: can you stfu and let me finish

 

oohsehun: feisty

 

nini: wow okay figure this out on your own

 

oohsehun: NO JONGIN PLEA SE

 

oohsehun: I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND NO HOMO

 

nini: anYways as I was saying before I was RUDELY INTERRUPTED

 

nini: chanyeol obviously likes you a lot but let’s be real hes to much of a bitch to ask you out

 

nini: but this is where is gets good

 

oohsehun: youve said that three times already get to the point

 

nini: listen here binch

 

nini: remember that I’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart

 

nini: nOw

 

nini: basically what I’ve been trying to say is that if we can encourage chanyeol enough to grow balls and ask you out then boom

 

nini: y’all two are together and you don’t have to go through the burden of asking him out

 

oohsehun: wow

 

oohsehun: you actually said something smart for ONCE

 

nini: yk what I’m done this time

 

oohsehun: okay SORRY

 

nini: mhmm

 

oohsehun: I’ll buy you hot pockets in exchange for your friendship

 

nini: apology accepted

 

oohsehun: wow you’re that easy lol

 

nini: die

 

oohsehun: ily <3

 

nini: gross

 

oohsehun: wow choke

 

nini: you too <3

 

\------

 

**_\- baekhyun’s the type to -_ **

 

byunbaek: LMAOOOOOOOO YALL WIG GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED

 

pcyeol: what

 

mom: hm?

 

xing: wut

 

byunbaek: so I was sneaking out to go get donuts with heechul right

 

byunbaek: so I was on the ledge of my window getting ready to jump

 

byunbaek: and my hand kinda slipped and I wasn’t ready

 

byunbaek: like I’m pretty sure I broke at least two of my toes

 

byunbaek: but the funny part is that I’m not in pain like

 

byunbaek: I can’t walk for shit and I’m literally bleeding tons but I don’t feel anything ???

 

xing: BAEKHYUN

 

xing: SWEETIE IM IN THE AREA IM COMING RIGHT THERE DONT MOVE A MUSCLE

 

oohsehun: B A E K H Y U N

 

pcyeol: baek omfg are you okay ??

 

umin: dear god baek

 

nini: dude are you okay?

 

mom: baekhyun TELL SOMEONE WHOS RIGHT THERE TF

 

lord soo: baekhyun I’m calling your mom this is ridiculous

 

byunbaek: KYUNGSOO PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU DONT

 

byunbaek: IM PERFECTLY FINE I PROMISE

 

byunbaek: PLEASE DONT CALL

 

pcyeol: baek kyungsoo’s right, you’re hurt right now I’m sure your mom won’t freak out over you trying to sneak out

 

chenchen: he has a point baek

 

byunbaek: yixing is here now you don’t have to call anyone ! im fine !

 

oohsehun: t h at fast?

 

pcyeol: get yourself a man like yixing

 

nini: im straight tho

 

pcyeol: no one cares hetero

 

umin: [Announcement] no one cares hetero

 

chenchen: [Announcement] no one cares hetero

 

nini: die

 

umin: you just told a gay to die that’s problematic

 

oohsehun: the straightie is back at it again

 

lord soo: what happened to you being a non-gay macho man 

 

pcyeol: oH

 

chenchen: yeah sehun

 

chenchen: EXPOSED

 

mom: we been knew sis !

 

umin: okay are we just all going to ignore how instead of getting help baekhyun decided to laugh about it in here

 

oohsehun: baekhyun’s the type of headass to get run over by a semi truck and go “LMAOOOOOOOOO GUESS WHAT YALL”

 

pcyeol: [Announcement] baekhyun’s the type of headass to get run over by a semi truck and go “LMAOOOOOOOOO GUESS WHAT YALL”

 

nini: [Announcement] baekhyun’s the type of headass to get run over by a semi truck and go “LMAOOOOOOOOO GUESS WHAT YALL”

 

chenchen: [Announcement] baekhyun’s the type of headass to get run over by a semi truck and go “LMAOOOOOOOOO GUESS WHAT YALL”

 

chenchen: THE WHOLE TRUTH

 

mom: and that’s the tea !

 

lord soo: okay but baekhyun’s the type of headass to get run over by a semi truck period

 

oohsehun: SHFHJSHDHDJS

 

pcyeol: U KNO I HAD TO DO IT TO EM

 

mom: HHHHDHDHDHDH

 

nini: BAHAHAHAHHSSHHD

 

chenchen: [Announcement] okay but baekhyun’s the type of headass to get run over by a semi truck period

 

nini: baekhyun’s the type of headass to see someone get shot and start snapchatting it

 

pcyeol: baekhyun’s the type of headass to get caught shoplifting and start tweeting about it

 

umin: baekhyun’s the type of headass to get arrested and put it on his ig story

 

mom: baekhyun’s the type of headass to play gta and try to take a selfie with the cops while he has five stars

 

byunbaek: wow okay first off IM OKAY THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN

 

byunbaek: second off fuck you minseok what kind of moron actually uses ig story

 

umin: baekhyun’s the type of moron to use ig story

 

xing: I use ig story...

 

oohsehun: OOF

 

chenchen: watch him kiss his ass

 

byunbaek: xing baby you’re an exception it’s okay you’re not a moron! <3

 

pcyeol: say it with me y’all

 

pcyeol: w h i p p e d

 

nini: WHIPPED

 

umin: WHIPPED

 

oohsehun: WHIP PED

 

lord soo: whipped

 

mom: oh so whiPPED

 

chenchen: 

 

chenchen:-ped

 

xing: aw babe I love you

 

byunbaek: I love you more :*

 

xing: no I love you more

 

byunbaek: no I love YOU more

 

xing: I love you most

 

byunbaek: impossible I love YOU the most

 

xing: I love you the most TIMES INFINITY

 

byunbaek: I love you the most TIMES INFINITY TIMES INFINITY

 

byunbaek: I win :-)

 

xing: fine I’ll let you win

 

xing: only because I love you more :-))))))))

 

byunbaek: you’re impossible

 

xing: and you love me for it

 

byunbaek: of course I do <3

 

chenchen: the power couple of this chat

 

pcyeol: that was beautiful :’)

 

oohsehun: i shed a whole tear

 

umin: one of these days this chat is going to explode with gay

 

lord soo: [Announcement] one of these days this chat is going to explode with gay

 

mom: between jongdae and minseok and yixing and baekhyun and chanyeol and sehun I’m surprised it hasn’t burst with rainbows yet

 

pcyeol: um ????

 

oohsehun: lol we aren’t gay im ????

 

xing: I HEARD A LIE

 

byunbaek: LoL wE aReNT GaY !!1!1!!1!1!1!1

 

umin: sorry but THE LIES

 

lord soo: 

 

chenchen: my blaring gaydar tells me you’re a fibber

 

pcyeol: okay but how ???

 

umin: um have you ever read back y’all twos messages

 

oohsehun: aH silly minseok

 

oohsehun: we said no homo so it doesn’t count

 

chenchen: THAT STILL DOESNT MAKE IT NOT GAY

 

mom: ^^^

 

byunbaek: if anything saying no homo only makes it even MORE gay

 

umin: may I remind you of some inter esting things you’ve said ?

 

umin: chanyeol said you looked like a five star meal and you went and I quote, “that made my heart flutter bro”

 

umin: you sent each other love memes

 

umin: I remember a specific time where you looked at kim ji soo and went “I’d fuck him sideways but no homo”

 

pcyeol: okay but that’s invalid who WOULDNT fuck kim ji soo sideways

 

byunbaek: he has a point

 

mom: ^^

 

nini: im not even gay and id fuc him sideways

 

chenchen: kim ji soo, a whole man

 

pcyeol: [Announcement] kim ji soo, a whole man

 

oohsehun: SEE

 

oohsehun: your statements are invalid

 

byunbaek: hate to break it to you bud but minseoks right

 

xing: can’t argue with facts

 

pcyeol: we aren’t gay, we’re just best friends who do a lot of gay stuff

 

byunbaek: best friends ???

 

nini: ^^^^^ ???

 

oohsehun: yeah! best friends!

 

nini: wow bitch you too ?

 

byunbaek: 

 

nini: yk what

 

nini: idc

 

nini: cause baekhyun’s my best friend

 

nini: right baek

 

byunbaek: wow I love my bestest friend jongin I love him so much ! <3

 

nini: wow I love my bestest friend baekhyun I love him so much ! <3

 

pcyeol: hey best friend sehun! I love you more !!

 

oohsehun: hey bestest buddy chanyeol! Impossible I love you more !!

 

nini: do you wanna go

 

oohsehun: I’m taller than you

 

nini: we’re the same height

 

oohsehun: false statement i’m a whole centimeter taller than you

 

umin: mAMAMOO

 

umin: MAMAMOO

 

chenchen: MAMAMOO OO OO OO OO

 

umin: IM TALLER THAN YOU YOURE 160

 

chenchen: IM 161

 

lord soo: literally shut up there’s tea happening right in front of our faces

 

nini: stfu i found your insoles you’re not slick

 

mom: EX P O SED

 

lord soo: YIK ES

 

byunbaek: WHOS A SHORT ASS NOW HMMMMM

 

oohsehun: they literally add hALF AN INCH DIE

 

oohsehun: stfu best friend stealer

 

nini: i thought chanyeol was your best friend?

 

byunbaek: ^

 

oohsehun: of course he is duh

 

oohsehun: he’s my bestest buddy

 

pcyeol: i loev y ou <3

 

oohsehun: i love u more <3

 

pcyeol: no homo

 

oohsehun: no homo

 

mom: literally what is this chat anymore my god

 

 

 


	2. chankai is homophobic and operation chanhun is commenced

_**\- junmyeon the superstar sm god -** _

 

mom: it’s official

 

mom: I’m going to sewerside

 

chenchen: ??

 

pcyeol: why lol

 

xing: he cant get past woof woof on superstar sm

 

chenchen: THAT GOD FORBIDDEN GAME

 

chenchen: MY BLOOD PRESSURE HAS GONE UP BECAUSE OF THAT GAME

 

byunbaek: it’s not even that hard

 

mom: yeah except you play piano and your fingers look like long graceful toothpicks

 

byunbaek: i don’t know if I should be flattered or offended

 

xing: BSBSBDHS HE JUST THREW HIS PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM

 

oohsehun: FUCK SUPERSTAR LITERALLY BURN

 

pcyeol: ...what’s so bad about this game

 

chenchen: its the spawn of Satan that’s what’s wrong with it

 

pcyeol: well it IS from sm what were you expecting

 

chenchen: superstar is the reason my blood pressure levels are higher

 

oohsehun: [Announcement] superstar is the reason my blood pressure levels are higher

 

oohsehun: THIS !!!!

 

byunbaek: that’s because y’all suck 

 

chenchen: literally shut up

 

nini: baek is right

 

nini: it’s not that hard with practice

 

byunbaek: THANK YOU JONGIN

 

byunbaek: this is why jongin is my bestie <3

 

nini: wow i love baek <3

 

nini: what ranking are you in

 

byunbaek: platinum iii

 

chenchen: THE F U C K

 

oohsehun: HOW TH E SHIT

 

nini: HOW DID YOU-

 

xing: JESUS HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING

 

byunbaek: I’ve played every single day for like 4-5ish months ??? Iono

 

chenchen: FOUR FUCKING MONTHS

 

oohsehun: well that’s because you have no life whatsoever

 

pcyeol: HDHDJDJSHDD

 

chenchen: SEHUn

 

byunbaek: id argue but I can’t even deny it this game is the reason I don’t have any other friends

 

mom: BEHOLD YOUR NEW GOD

 

mom: FUCKING. FINALLY IM cryiNG BLOOD

 

mom: I JTST FO T 3 STARS ON WOOF WOOF

 

mom: FUCKING PEASANTS ALL OF UOU BOW DOWN TO ME

 

**mom has changed their name to GOD HIMSELF**

 

GOD HIMSELF: I AM: THAT BItcH

 

GOD HIMSELF: MY HEART IS RACINF IDNFJSBFJS

 

xing: oh my god he’s actually crying

 

xing: HES CRYING TEARS

 

byunbaek: FAT FUCKINF MOOD SHDHSJDHSJD

 

byunbaek: woof woof is a HOE

 

chenchen: I’m in disbelief

 

chenchen: screenshots or it didn’t happen

 

**GOD HIMSELF sent an image**

 

chenchen: oh my god he did it

 

chenchen: he really did it

 

oohsehun: [BREAKING] jun is now the unbeatable superstar god

 

chenchen: [Announcement] [BREAKING] jun is now the unbeatable superstar god

 

oohsehun: hyung you’re the shit

 

oohsehun: I feel like your peasant now I feel the need to bow down

 

GOD HIMSELF: I LITERALLY CANT BREATHE

 

GOD HIMSELF: I MIGHT HYPERVENTILATE

 

pcyeol: should i get this game

 

pcyeol: it sounds like it’s going to ruin my life i want to get it

 

chenchen: if you want to spend the rest of your life in pain and regret then yes get superstar

 

oohsehun: [Announcement] if you want to spend the rest of your life in pain and regret then yes get superstar

 

byunbaek: [Announcement] if you want to spend the rest of your life in pain and regret then yes get superstar

 

GOD HIMSELF: my next mission: lightsaber

 

byunbaek: I’m getting war flashbacks

 

chenchen: we don’t speak of...that name

 

oohsehun: i still remember the aneurysm had after playing that song

 

oohsehun: I remember it like it was yesterday...

 

chenchen: it was yesterday

 

chenchen: you nearly hit me in the head when you threw your phone

 

oohsehun: shhhhhh

 

xing: yk what song is a real bitch tho

 

xing: fuCking any fx song ever

 

xing: fx beatmaps can DIE

 

chenchen: [Announcement] fx beatmaps can DIE

 

oohsehun: THE FATTEST RT

 

pcyeol: oof I downloaded it

 

pcyeol: I already feel the regret

 

oohsehun: it was nice knowing you yeol

 

oohsehun: it was truly an honor

 

oohsehun: remember that I loved you bro

 

byunbaek: I swear to god if you start again

 

pcyeol: what are u gonna do

 

byunbaek: dont TEST me park chanyeol

 

byunbaek: iLL HAVE YOU KNOW I DID HAPKIDO FOR MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD

 

oohsehun: I’ve felt your punches baek

 

oohsehun: weak bitch lol

 

byunbaek: I know where you live

 

byunbaek: I have your spare key

 

oohsehun: my parents aren’t home why don’t you drop by babe ;)))

 

byunbaek: i don’t want an std

 

oohsehun: wow okay RUDE

 

oohsehun: at least I’ve fucked a guy

 

pcyeol: BDBDHSHDHSH

 

chenchen: YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO HIM LIKE THat

 

byunbaek: n I fuked ur mum hmph

 

pcyeol: you fucked your body pillow don’t think I don’t know

 

nini: OH MY GOD

 

xing: cHNAYEOL

 

chenchen: BBBDHDSUDHDSJ

 

chenchen: [BREAKING] baek fucks body pillows

 

oohsehun: [Announcement] [BREAKING] baek fucks body pillows

 

oohsehun: “b-body pillow noona?”

 

xing: STO PS DFJKDFJFH

 

nini: [Announcement] “b-body pillow noona?”

 

pcyeol: BDHSHSHDHD

 

**pcyeol has changed the chat name to "BODY PILLOW NOONA".**

 

byunbaek: if I were you I’d be VERY careful of what you say

 

byunbaek: I WILL spill the tea park

 

byunbaek: don’t test me

 

pcyeol: hahaha what tea

 

byunbaek: you know what i’m talking about

 

pcyeol: ...

 

pcyeol: i will NOT hesitate to choke you

 

oohsehun: SPILL THE TEA

 

chenchen: SAY IT

 

nini: NO BALLS

 

pcyeol: there is no tea go homo karen

 

pcyeol: *HOME

 

oohsehun: why can’t karen go homo thats homophobic yeol

 

nini: wow chanyeol i thought better of you

 

byunbaek: [BREAKING] yeol’s a homophobe

 

chenchen: [Announcement] [BREAKING] yeol’s a homophobe

 

nini: a gay being homophobic what a sight ladies and gentlemen

 

pcyeol: i’m not gay hahA

 

byunbaek: sounds fake but okay

 

nini: lying is a sin you know

 

xing: homophobic AND a sinner? yikes

 

oohsehun: “i’m not gay” he says as he looks at the huge rainbow flag on his wall

 

nini: sehun you can’t talk

 

nini: you have one too i’ve been in your room

 

GOD HIMSELF: BUSTED

 

chenchen: EXPOSED FJDSJFHJ

 

oohsehun: LISTEN

 

oohsehun: what if i’m just a happy person

 

oohsehun: and i like rainbows

 

chenchen: “i’m just a happy person” he says as he eats his tenth tide pod

 

pcyeol: [Announcement] “i’m just a happy person” he says as he eats his tenth tide pod

 

xing: YOU ATE A TIDE POD

 

nini: SEHUN I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT

 

GOD HIMSELF: LMAOOOOO SEHUN’S DYING EARLY

 

lord soo: the shit i come back to in this chat

  


**\------**

 

_**\- gays on sharpies -** _

 

pcyeol: ylal

 

pcyeol: i cna here colosr

 

umin: ???

 

chenchen: what

 

pcyeol: me n sehun got fuvked up on sharpir fumes fkdjhfkdhf

 

nini: oh

 

nini: my gOd

 

byunbaek: ARENT YOU IN CLASS IM-

 

pcyeol: were in the janitoars claost

 

chenchen: next to bio?

 

pcyeol: mhmmm

 

chenchen: say no more i’m coming

 

umin: JONGDAE

 

umin: NO

 

byunbaek: waIT LEMME COM E TOO

 

GOD HIMSELF: DONT SNIFF SHARPIES

 

GOD HIMSELF: STOP IT

 

umin: YALL ARE GONNA GET BRAIN DAMAGE STOP

 

lord soo: morons

 

lord soo: absolute morons

 

xing: baek don’t do it :-(

 

xing: for me ,,

 

xing: ...

 

xing: you’re doing it aren’t you

 

byunbaek: is not evn tHat bad

 

byunbaek: thisbis bake lolollolol

 

xing: we know sweetie

 

lord soo: all four of you are literally going to die

 

umin: plEase stop !

 

chenchen: dotn tell me what to do mOm

 

oohsehun: i am; fucked up

 

oohsehun: oOoOOoooOo my ass feels tingly sdkjfjfhdjkf

 

**\- - -**

 

**byunbaek has added xing, GOD HIMSELF, umin, chenchen, lord soo, and nini to the chat.**

 

**byunbaek has changed the chat name to “OPERATION CHANHUN”.**

 

byunbaek: TheYRE ACTINF SO GAY RN

 

chenchen: TEHY REALLT ARE ITS SO GROSS

 

umin: TEA

 

nini: DETAILS !!

 

byunbaek: okay one therye like,, cuddlnig

 

byunbaek: liek their legs are all tangeld n shit n sheun has his head on his shouledr

 

nini: OOOO

 

xing: CUTE

 

umin: ahHhh

 

chenchen: UHhhHhH DID YOU JSUT SEE HTAT SHI T

 

byunbaek: OH MT FOD

 

chenchen: HE RELALY OTU HER EKISSING HIS FORHEAD THAT IS SO CUTE

 

byunbaek:  ****

byunbaek: THEYR EGIGGLING SO CUTELY TOGETHE RTHIS IS SO SFOT

 

umin: SH UT UP OH MY GOD

 

lord soo: THATS ACTUALLY SO CUTE

 

nini: GAYS IM SO-

 

chenchen: ITS AS IF WE AREANT EVEN HERE AJAFHJDFH

 

byunbaek: OH SHIT

 

byunbaek: FU CK FUK FUCK SOMEONS COMING

 

umin: H ID E

 

lord soo: that’s what you morons get who told y’all to do sharpies at school of all places

 

nini: if you were gonna do sharpies do it in the bathroom like a normal human being

 

xing: [Announcement] if you were gonna do sharpies do it in the bathroom like a normal human being

 

GOD HIMSELF: the shit do you know about sniffing sharpies i’m ???

 

umin: ^

 

lord soo: not you too

 

nini: suddenly i can’t read i don’t know

 

umin: i-

 

xing: jongin sweetie

 

xing: we don’t want to hear your experience take it up in the main chat

 

umin: 911 I JUST WITNESSED A FUCKING MURDER

 

GOD HIMSELF:  Y I XING

 

lord soo: HE BREATHED

 

nini: choke

 

umin: first he tells a gay to die then he tells another gay to choke ur on a roll aren’t you

 

lord soo: smh jongin i thought you were better than this

 

GOD HIMSELF: i didn’t raise you to be a homophobe

 

xing: the het is back at it again

 

umin: [Announcement] the het is back at it again

 

lord soo: being homophobic in a chat dedicated for the gay,,

 

umin: that’s not very woke of you nini

 

nini: i swear to GOD

 

GOD HIMSELF: you called?

 

umin: leave

 

 

 

**BODY PILLOW NOONA**

 

oohsehun: did everyone die or am I in heaven

 

pcyeol: you? in heaven? hA

 

oohsehun: suffocate

 

umin: wELL WELL WELL

 

umin: LOOK WHO IT IS

 

xing: O H

 

oohsehun: what happened i'm confused

 

xing: DONT ACT LIKE U WEREN'T JUST GAYING WITH CHANYEOL LIKE 2 HOURS AGO

 

umin: ^^^

 

oohsehun: byun baekhyun and kim jongdae i swear to god

 

byunbaek: wow won't you look at that i'm going to be late for class !

 

pcyeol: you two got in-school suspension though ??

 

chenchen: i can't read suddenly tragic :-(

 

pcyeol: you two better run the next time i see you

 

byunbaek: LOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUU BOTHHHHH

 

chenchen: ^^ <3<3<3

 

oohsehun: my head hurtS So mUch 

 

pcyeol: mine does too ;)

 

umin: WHAT IS TH AT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 

lord soo: ****

xing: UM ???

 

nini: WHOMSt

 

GOD HIMSELF: ****

pcyeol: OH MY FUCKING GOD NO WAIT

 

pcyeol: I MEANT :)

 

pcyeol: NOT THE WINK OH MY GOD NO PLeasE

 

oohsehun: CHANYEOL

 

oohsehun: NO !

 

oohsehun: LISTEN TO ME

 

oohsehun: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED

 

xing: thats what they ALL say

 

GOD HIMSELF: my gay heart is flutteRING

 

umin: THIS IS SO-

 

oohsehun: I SWEAR NOTHING HAPPENED

 

oohsehun: SERIOUSLY

 

nini: suddenly chanyeol goes mute hmmm

 

umin: FJKFJKDJFJKF

 

oohsehun: I P RO MISE NOTHING HAPPENED

 

\- - -

**_You are now chatting with nini._ **

 

oohsehun: SOMETHING HAPPENED

 

oohsehun: IF YOU TELL ANYONE YOURE DYING

 

nini: wHA T

 

nini: WH AT HAPPEND

 

oohsehun: its nothing mAjor but like

 

oohsehun: idk he's just really nice,,,?

 

oohsehun: like his hugs are so nice he wrapped his whole body around me it was so cute

 

oohsehun: n like his laugh is so nice too 

 

oohsehun: n his smile is so fukin bEautiful

 

oohsehun: he was playing with my hands a lot n it was really nice

 

oohsehun: he fell asleep on my lap n i played with his hair n that was pretty nice

 

oohsehun: fuck it hes more than nice hes fuckin fantastIC jongin im in so much loVE

 

nini: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

nini: sEH UN 

 

nini: YOURE SO WHIPPED ITS ADORABLE

 

oohsehun: I'M DYING INSIDE FFUCCKFJKJGJFJ

 

oohsehun: DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MAN DOES TO ME

 

oohsehun: IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN MY POWER NOT TO JUST KISS HIM RIGHT THEN AND THERE HES SO PERFECT IM UGH

 

nini: AS K H IM OUT ALREADY WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR !!!

 

oohsehun: I CANT DO THAT ARE YOU INSANE

 

nini: I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS HUN I BELIEVE IN YOU

 

nini: i've seen your balls before i know youre capable 

 

oohsehun: I THOUGHT WE AGREED NEVER TO BRING THAT UP AGAIN

 

oohsehun: it was onE (1) FUCKIN G TIME

 

nini: it's been four (4) but okay

 

nini: you act like you dont know im coming over why do you insist on walking around your house with literally nothing on

 

oohsehun: okay lisTEn 

 

oohsehun: your dick is great dont blame me 

 

oohsehun: literally the only thing you arent absolutely shit at

 

nini: that was offensive but oddly touching at the same time 

 

oohsehun: i just gave you a compliment dont be rude

 

nini: fine

 

nini: *sent with invisible ink* your ass isn't even that bad either

 

oohsehun: nini i don't think that's how it works

 

nini: shhhHHHhHHh

 

nini: unimportant

 

nini: but on a serious note are you ever going to consider even confessing to him ??

 

oohsehun: i mean i've thought about it,,

 

oohsehun: i thought of just dropping a note in his locker but that's too gay

 

oohsehun: even for me

 

oohsehun: plus i bet he gets like tons of those

 

oohsehun: why is he so perfect smh

 

nini: what if you just,, tell him upfront?

 

nini: if you two are such clOSe friends then he should be understanding if you do happen to clam up

 

oohsehun: you know what

 

oohsehun: you're absolutely right

 

oohsehun: i need to stop being a bitch for once in my life and own up to my ball size

 

oohsehun: i can fucking do this man

 

oohsehun: worst case scenario i'll get terribly humiliated and i'll potentially lose one of the greatest friendships i've ever had

 

oohsehun: no prEssure

 

nini: you need to stop selling yourself short

 

nini: you're an amazing person like,, you're so kind and you're talented and you're actually really smart when you try, and you're even decent looking

 

nini: he's a moron if he let you go

 

nini: and i won't hesitate to choke him if he makes you upset i promise you

 

oohsehun: that was,,

 

oohsehun: so nicE

 

oohsehun: i'm tearing up a lil bit

 

oohsehun: thank you nini

 

oohsehun: for being such an amazing friend

 

oohsehun: you win a gold star <33

 

nini: <333

 

nini: let me know how everything goes :)

 

oohsehun: will do ^^

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !
> 
> i completely forgot to mention this in the last chapter: those textlines where someone says member:[Announcement} xxxxx, and they repeat what the other just put, is a feature that the platform KakaoTalk offers. If someone says something you find amusing/agree with/etc, you can announce that post, and it becomes a little bar at the top of the chat. there's also a little log full of all the announcements made in the chat, and reading those over are pretty fun ^^
> 
>  
> 
> second, i wanted to say that i reallY enjoy feedback, so if you have any, please leave me a comment! i really love reading them, so please don't hesitate! i like constructive critiscm as well, so you can leave me some of those too :)
> 
>  
> 
> i hope you all are enjoying the story, and stay tuned for another chapter!
> 
>  
> 
> once again, there may or may not be some real stories on here haha
> 
>  
> 
> don't do sharpies kids 
> 
>  
> 
> -t ♡


	3. minstravaganza

_\- jongdae wins boyfriend of the year-_

 

_**chenchen added byunbaek, pcyeol, xing, lord soo, GOD HIMSELF, oohsehun, and nini to the chat.** _

 

_**chenchen has named the chat “MINSTRAVAGANZA”.** _

 

chenchen: HELLO GENTLEMEN

 

chenchen: IT IS I

 

chenchen: YOUR SKINNY FAVE KIM JONGDAE

 

byunbaek: my favorite is yixing but okay

 

chenchen: shut up no one asked

 

chenchen: aNYWAYS I NEED YOUR HELP

 

chenchen: as you may all know, our very own minnie’s birthday is in a little under two weeks

 

chenchen: and I, being boyfriend of the fucking century, have taken upon the task of giving him the most unforgettable birthday yet because he’s finally 18 and we can all unanimously agree that he deserves the world and more

 

xing: shit u rite

 

pcyeol: WIG IM IN

 

oohsehun: AHHHHHH YES LETS DO IT

 

lord soo: ^^

 

GOD HIMSELF: THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUN OMG

 

nini: anything for minseok oml

 

byunbaek: oOf what do you have planned?

 

chenchen: okay sO first things first, I’ve already made birthday plans for him n I during the day so we can give him a surprise party

 

chenchen: I’m gonna take him out to the park n have a nice time until like 5ish

 

chenchen: my aunt owns a bowling alley like right around minseok’s house n she let me use a lane for free with food n shit so after the park I’m gonna take him to the alley n y’all will be there already so he’ll be like surprised as fuCk n shi

 

chenchen: and for my final trick of the night,,,

 

chenchen: I talked to minnie’s parents a whILe back and we decided to get him the grand gift of, drum roll please

 

oohsehun: durururururururururu

 

chenchen: thank you sehun

 

chenchen: A CAT MOTJERFUCKS

 

byunbaek: WIG NO WAY

 

nini: MINSEOK’S GOING TO DIE JONGIN OMFg

 

xing: OMG

 

oohsehun: JONGDAE OUTBOYFRIENDED

 

GOD HIMSELF: JONGDAE THIS IS GENIUS

 

lord soo: HES GONNA LOVE IT AHHHHHHH

 

pcyeol: GET YOURSELF A MAN LIKE JONGDAE

 

chenchen: I KNOWWW IM THE BEST DONT TELL ME TWICE JDHSJDHS

 

chenchen: n i sneaked in a couple of surprises too

 

GOD HIMSELF: he’s going to love that so much im so exciTED OMG

 

chenchen: okay this is like really gay so please don’t judge me buT

 

chenchen: I made him a lil album with all our photos n memories n shit djfbdjdbdh

 

lord soo: 

 

byunbaek: IM REALLY OUT HERE SOBBING THIS SHIT IS S O CUTE DJDHSISHJS

 

oohsehun: THE WORLD NEEDS MORE KIM JONGDAES

 

xing: JONGDAE WINS

 

pcyeol: I DONT KNOW WHY IM CRYING IN THE CLUB RIGHT NOW

 

nini: I feel my left asscheek tingling THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AMAZINg

 

oohsehun: nini sweetie pls...

 

\- - -

 

**BODY PILLOW NOONA**

 

umin: good morning fatties

 

umin: the sun is shining !

 

umin: the birds are chirping !

 

umin: my skin is clear !

 

lord soo: we get it your life is perfect what’s new

 

byunbaek: it’s 7am minseok pls bub

 

umin: it must be the DAY

 

umin: CO U G H FUCKING C O U G H

 

umin: WHAT MUST BE SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS DAY ?????

 

pcyeol: wAIT I knoW

 

pcyeol: DR WHO CAME BACK 13 YEARS AGO ON THIS DAY OMG

 

umin: n O !!!!!!

 

umin: JESUS FUCK ARE YALL REALLY THAT DUMB

 

oohsehun: wait hyung

 

oohsehun: isn’t it your birthday

 

umin: Y E S ITS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY YOU BALL OF FAkes

 

oohsehun: happy birthday hyung !!

 

pcyeol: oh shit happy birtHDAY

 

chenchen: MY BEAUTIFUL BABY ANGEL WHO I LOVE SO DEARLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM GONNA GIVE YOUR PARENTS A GIFT INSTEAD TO THANK THEM FOR GIVING BIRTH TO YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOURE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINNIE <33333

 

byunbaek: BItch

 

lord soo: THATS SO CUTE

 

pcyeol: MUST BE NICE

 

oohsehun: SHDHDHSH

 

umin: I’m-

 

umin: I’m gonna cry

 

umin: a bitch is gonna cry

 

umin: KIM JONGDAE I LOVE YOU SO MYCH MY BEAUTIFUL BABY OMNDHDHSHD

 

oohsehun: 

 

lord soo: I hope you have an awesome day hyung ^^

 

GOD HIMSELF: happy birthday minseok :D

 

xing: happy birthday minseok!!!

 

nini: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKINNY LEGEND

 

chenchen: [Announcement] HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKINNY LEGEND

 

oohsehun: sOooooOoO

 

oohsehun: what are you planning on doing

 

umin: dae and I are gonna spend the day out together (〃ω〃)

 

chenchen: yES WE ARE

 

chenchen: we’re gonna go to the park and ride bikes and have a cute picnic and then we’re gonna get ice cream (^-^)

 

byunbaek: I physically felt my heart fluTTER

 

byunbaek: GO BE GROSS SOMEWHERE ELSE I CANT HANDLE THIS

 

pcyeol: WE LOVE BOYFRIENDS OMG

 

oohsehun: THAT SOUNDS SO FUN AHHhhh

 

GOD HIMSELF: I hope you two have fun !!

 

chenchen: yes we will (^-^)

 

\- - -

 

**MINSTRAVAGANZA**

 

chenchen: GATHER ROUND GIRL SCOUTS

 

chenchen: TIS APPROXIMATELY 1645 HOURS

 

nini: hyung it’s 16:45

 

chenchen: it’s military time moron

 

chenchen: n e ways

 

chenchen: ASSUME YOUR POSITIONS AT THE ALLEY AT THIS TIME

 

GOD HIMSELF: if anyone needs a ride i have like 5 more spaces in here since i’m using the minivan!

 

byunbaek: shit can u pick me up i can’t take the car i’m grounded

 

pcyeol: what did you do this time

 

oohsehun: ^^

 

byunbaek: i didn’t even dO anything

 

byunbaek: you run over ONE ugly cat on accident that was annoying anyways and suddenly you’re a horrible person smh

 

pcyeol: YOU RAN OVER A CAT

 

oohsehun: b AEKHYUN

 

nini: SDFHDJKHF

 

lord soo: dear god

 

byunbaek: it was mrs. jung’s cat it’s not even a big deal smh

 

byunbaek: she has like 9 more in her house why does she even caRe

 

xing:

 

xing: babe...

 

nini: dogs r better anyways

 

chenchen: uM

 

chenchen: BITCH ???????????

 

oohsehun: he’s not wrong

 

xing: ^

 

byunbaek: ^^^^

 

GOD HIMSELF: sorry jongdae but ^

 

lord soo: i’m not sorry jongdae but ^^

 

pcyeol: why can’t we just love all animals because they’re all fantastic beautiful creatures (;-;)

 

oohsehun: [Announcement] why can’t we just love all animals because they’re all fantastic beautiful creatures (;-;)

 

oohsehun: that just made me uwu out loud

 

chenchen: fucK THAT CATS REIGN SUPREME

 

nini:

 

lord soo: can we please have this argument later we have a mission to accomplish

 

lord soo: n i need a ride cause i’m poor and can’t pay gas money

 

chenchen: shIT U RIGHT EVERYONE GET MOVING

 

GOD HIMSELF: okay so baek and soo, anyone else??

 

oohsehun: me n jongin pls we’re scared of driving

 

nini: ^

 

GOD HIMSELF: okay anyone else?

 

pcyeol: SEHUN ILL TAKE YOU GUYS !

 

pcyeol: i mean

 

pcyeol: so it’s not like crowded in jun’s car yk

 

GOD HIMSELF: it’s not crowded at all, i can take them it’s okay,,

 

pcyeol: noPE ITS OKAY HYUNG IM ON MY WAY

 

oohsehun: ... okay

 

nini: hurry up then smh

 

GOD HIMSELF: kyungsoo: acquired ✓

 

xing: i’m here (*＾v＾*)

 

GOD HIMSELF: baek: acquired ✓

 

GOD HIMSELF: we’ll be there in like five minutes!

 

pcyeol: ^

 

chenchen: let me know when you’re all there please minnie’s getting cold he wants to leave!!

 

pcyeol: will do

 

GOD HIMSELF: ^

 

\- - -

 

**_You are now chatting with nini._ **

 

oohsehun: i’m going to die

 

oohsehun: kim jongin i’m going to die

 

oohsehun: bIYCH HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD SHDJKHFJH

 

nini: he wears that same hoodie every single day

 

oohsehun: OKAY YES BUT LIKE

 

oohsehun: HES SO FUCKINF HOT IM GONNA MELT

 

oohsehun: i’m CRYING BLOOD

 

oohsehun: HEL PME

 

oohsehun: PLS

 

oohsehun: HE LOOKS SO BOYFRIEND IM SO UGHHGJUWUFHKD

 

nini: he looks the same wdym

 

oohsehun: feisty

 

nini: I’m not feisty, you’re annoying

 

oohsehun: yikes what’s your problem

 

nini: ???

 

nini: I don’t know what you’re talking about

 

oohsehun: what’s with the passive aggressive shi

 

nini: ??I’m not being passive aggressive

 

nini: I’m kind of tired

 

oohsehun: you were fine like,, five minutes ago

 

nini: I told you I’m tired, drop it

 

oohsehun: okay seriously, what’s wrong with you

 

nini: how many times do I have to tell you that I’m tired

 

oohsehun: you know what

 

oohsehun: nevermind...

 

\- - -

 

**MINSTRAVAGANZA**

 

GOD HIMSELF: we’re all here dae!

 

nini: oOooOooO I’m so excited (*´∀｀*)

 

lord soo: he’s going to be so surprised ahhhdhdhdh

 

oohsehun: OH MY FUCKING GOD

 

oohsehun: DID YALL JUST SEE THAT

 

byunbaek: YALL AM I HIGH OR DID I REALLY JUST SEE LUHAN WALK THROUGH THOSE DOORS

 

pcyeol: HOLY SHIT IT IS

 

xing: OHVMT GOD ITS LU

 

lord soo: LUHANENSFKJS

 

nini: ISNT HE SUPPOSEDNTO BE IN CHINA

 

GOD HIMSELF: OHMYG OD NO WAY

 

oohsehun: IM GONIG TO CRY OH MY FVUHDHFJ

 

oohsehun: MY PRECIOUS BABY IS BA CK

 

nini: JONGDAE DID YOU PLAN THIS ?

 

pcyeol: ^???

 

byunbaek: JONGDAE OmG

 

chenchen: maaaaaaybe (*´꒳`*)

 

pcyeol:

 

GOD HIMSELF: could you stoP using me as a meme please and thank you

 

pcyeol: no

 

pcyeol: ur iconic now jun

 

pcyeol: you should be THANKING me for this smh

 

chenchen: morons

 

chenchen: we’re leaving, we’ll be there in five minutes !!!

 

\- - -

 

**BODY PILLOW NOONA**

 

umin: i just wanted to come in here and say

 

umin: i literally couldn’t thank all of you enough

 

umin: i love each and every single one of you and you’ve made this day so beautiful for me you all own my heart

 

umin: okay thATS ALL I LOV U GUYS

 

byunbaek: BABE

 

chenchen: MINNIE BABY I LO VE YOu

 

lord soo: ANYTHING FOR YOU HYUNG <33

 

pcyeol: A BITC H CRIED

 

nini: what was your favorite part hyung

 

umin: between the park date, the bowling, lu, the fireworks, and my precious new fur baby, i don’t think i can choose

 

umin: wait no i take that back my favorite part was when jongin actually thought he could roll himself down the lane instead of the ball n ended up getting yelled at

 

byunbaek: honestly what were you thinking was going to happen

 

nini: listEN

 

nini: iT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA

 

byunbaek: see the thing is it really wasn’t

 

lord soo: ^

 

xing: ^

 

GOD HIMSELF: ^

 

pcyeol: ^

 

umin: ^

 

chenchen: if it wasn’t for my aunt we would’ve gotten kicked out smh

 

umin: even so thank you all so much for such an amazing day I’m soft as fuc

 

oohsehun: you know hyung, you should thank jongdae

 

oohsehun: he came up with the entire thing,, we were just there to help him ^^

 

pcyeoli: ^^^

 

byunbaek: ye jongdae planned everything he outdid today

 

ninil: ^

 

xing: rt !!

 

chenchen: aWWWW

 

chenchen: YOU GUYS

 

chenchen: IM GONNA CRY

 

umin: i really don’t know how to thank you babe i have no words

 

chenchen: i have something you could do to thank me ;)

 

lord soo: NO

 

GOD HIMSELF: gross ?

 

xing: take it to the pm’s ffs

 

pcyeol: READING THE BIBLE WOW WHAT A GOOD IDEA !!

 

oohsehun: ^^^^!!!!!

 

nini: nasty asses

 

umin: stay mad and single

 

nini: this is a callout

 

byunbaek: yeah stay mad and single

 

pcyeol: who asked you

 

\- - -

 

**_You are now chatting with lord soo._ **

 

nini: hyung are you still up?

 

nini: i know it’s a little late but i need help

 

lord soo: Yeah, I’m up

 

lord soo: What’s wrong?

 

nini: what would you do if you liked someone but they clearly like someone else

 

nini: asking for a friend

 

lord soo: Oh wow

 

lord soo: Are you absolutely positive they like someone else?

 

nini: yeah like

 

nini: this person has expressed multiple times how much they love someone else

 

lord soo: Yikes okay

 

lord soo: You could wait for him to lose feelings for Chanyeol but that’s not 100% guaranteed to happen and I don’t think you should waste your time like that

 

nini: lmao what does chanyeol have to do with this???

 

lord soo: Do you really think I’m that stupid?

 

lord soo: I know this is about Sehun, it’s kind of obvious

 

nini: how is it obvious i’m ???

 

lord soo: You’re kidding right?

 

lord soo: Every time Chanyeol and Sehun start breathing near each other you start brooding

 

lord soo: When they teamed up today for the bowling thing I saw you getting upset

 

lord soo: I know how much he meant to you, it has to hurt

 

nini: it does

 

nini: a lot

 

nini: but if being with chanyeol makes him happy then i don’t care

 

nini: doesn’t change the fact that it still hurts like hell

 

lord soo: Not to rub it in more or to sound rude, but you _did_ fuck up pretty badly

 

nini: trust me i know it’s my fault there’s no other way around it

 

nini: it took me forever to get back to where we were before we started dating and i don’t want it to go to shit again and i really do want to feel truly happy for him and be there for him but it’s just so fucking hard

 

nini: i don’t know what to do anymore it’s driving me insane

 

nini: we barely talk and when we do he all he ever talks about is chanyeol, we don’t hang out nearly as much as we used to because he’s always with chanyeol, whenever we have projects to do he pairs with chanyeol, it’s always chanyeol chanyeol chanyeol and i can’t say anything because i don’t want to seem jealous and ruin things and there just comes a point where i just want to explode

 

nini: after all i had to do to gain even his friendship back i truly thought i could be happy with just being friends but it’s so much harder than i thought it was going to be, especially when all he does is talk about him

 

nini: i swear to god i look at him and i start getting butterflies and i just want to hug him and kiss him and hold him and i can’t anymore and to think i could’ve still had him if it wasn’t for my fuck up makes me want to scream

 

nini: i lashed out at him today on the way to the alley and i feel so fucking bad because it’s not my place to get jealous or upset over him raving over chanyeol but how the hell am i going to explain that to him

 

nini: i honestly thought i was over him and that i didn’t find guys attractive anymore but it’s all coming back and i’m so confused and frustrated and lost i feel like i’m losing my mind

 

nini: i’m so tired soo i really am

 

lord soo: I’m so sorry Jongin...

 

lord soo: For starters, you need to apologize as soon as you can before it blows out of proportion

 

lord soo: This probably isn’t what you want to hear but at this point there isn’t much you can do other than move on

 

lord soo: I know when you think about it it sounds impossible but I promise you it really isn’t

 

lord soo: Once you find the right person, it works out on its own. It’s going to be hard for sure, but I promise you once they come, it’ll be worth it

 

lord soo: Keeping everything pent up isn’t healthy at all, either. If you need to vent or rant or whatever, you can always come to me. I’m always going to be here.

 

nini: thank you for listening to me

 

nini: i know this is the last thing you want to be doing after a wild day at 2 am but i truly can’t thank you enough

 

nini: you’re a good friend,,

 

lord soo: You don’t need to thank me, that’s what friends do :)

 

nini: I’m exhausted both physically and emotionally ㅠㅠ

 

nini: good night soo <3

 

nini: thank you again

 

lord soo: No problem, good night Jongin <3

 

* * *

 

`okay first things first, i'm aware how fukin late this is and IM SORRY HUHU. i was planning on making one for sehun's too but 1) we all know my ass isn't gonna finish it in two (2) days and i don't want to put out a rushed chapter, and 2) i feel like it'll just be repetitive if i make two birthday specials in a row, but iono, if y'all want it, i'll do it gladly :)`

 

`second, i wanted to wait at least one more chapter to bring in the angst but i just cOULDNT WAIT so i'm sorry if it's too early ^^ i'm starting to lowkey feel bad for nini but in the end it kinda  _is_ his fault, y'all will see what i mean later on haha :P`

 

`i hope you all enjoyed this  ~~very late~~  update, see you all soon!`

 

`-t `♡


	4. sehun bends the truth

 

Chapter 4

 

_\- to choke or not to choke -_

 

**BODY PILLOW NOONA**

 

byunbaek: someone choke me I don’t want to go to school

 

xing: gladly :-)

 

GOD HIMSELF: oh god

 

umin: it’s too early for this PLEASE no

 

byunbaek: ;)))

 

oohsehun: I heard choking I’m here

 

byunbaek: [Announcement] I heard choking I’m here

 

byunbaek: oH

 

umin: dear god not you too

 

oohsehun: okay but have you ever been choked? thought so

 

umin: n o ?????

 

byunbaek: hyung how can you say you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it

 

oohsehun: ^

 

oohsehun: if I say I don’t like broccoli but I’ve never tried it what does that say about me?

 

umin: you’re a little bitch

 

oohsehun: precisely

 

umin: getting choked and not eating something are two VERY different things sehun

 

GOD HIMSELF: [Announcement] getting choked and not eating something are two VERY different things sehun

 

GOD HIMSELF: it’s too early for this i’m blasting

 

oohsehun: theyre different things but if you refuse to do either one you still end up a little bitch

 

oohsehun: unless you WANT to be a little bitch

 

oohsehun: in that case just tell dae hyung that you wanna bottom

 

byunbaek: SGJFSJGFSJGF

 

umin: do I LOOK like I take it up the butt

 

byunbaek: hyung you kinda have a stick up your ass as we speak so,,

 

oohsehun: [Announcement] hyung you kinda have a stick up your ass as we speak so,,

 

umin: 

 

oohsehun: SHDHSJDHSH

 

chenchen: THANK YOU

 

chenchen: I’ve been begging him to but he won’t and I’m getting impatient smh

 

umin: babe I already told you no it’s not gonna happen

 

chenchen: that’s what they ALL say

 

oohsehun: just choke the man minseok

 

byunbaek: [Announcement] just choke the man minseok

 

chenchen: okay but give me ONE good reason

 

umin: because it’s weird I’m ??

 

chenchen: m i n s e o k

 

chenchen: YOU JUST FUCKED UP sO BADLY

 

byunbaek: WII U WII U WII U

 

byunbaek: KINKSHAMING ALERT

 

oohsehun: hyung this is a strictly anti-kinkshaming zone

 

oohsehun: this is your first strike

 

oohsehun: three strikes and you’re banned

 

byunbaek: what he said ^

 

umin: you’re kidding right

 

chenchen: babe do you not remember what happened to j*hnny

 

umin: THATS WHY HE FUCKIN LEFT

 

umin: ARE YOU SHITTING ME

 

oohsehun: we have a strict zero tolerance policy hyung

 

umin: why am I in relations with you three

 

byunbaek: because we’re amazing ?? we been knew

 

oohsehun: ^

 

chenchen: ^^

 

umin: 

 

oohsehun: shut up hyung you LOOOOOOVE US

 

umin: I love my mother

 

umin: I love my cat

 

umin: you three on the other hand

 

umin: yikes

 

byunbaek: whore

 

oohsehun: ouch

 

chenchen: it be ya own man

 

chenchen: its cool tho

 

chenchen: stay alone w ur blue balls uwu 

 

lord soo: literally what the fuck did I just wake up to

 

oohsehun: just scroll up

 

lord soo: I don’t think I want to

 

\- - - - - -

 

 

_**You are now chatting with oohsehun.** _

 

nini: hey hun

 

nini: I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry

 

nini: I’ve been acting like a dick lately and I didn’t mean to

 

nini: I’m sorry for snapping at you last week

 

nini: I’ve just,, been under a lot of pressure this quarter and my parents won’t lay off and I stupidly took it out on you and I’m really sorry

 

nini: I miss you

 

nini: a lot

 

nini: I’m sorry

 

oohsehun: it’s okay, don’t worry about it

 

oohsehun: i should’ve asked you what’s wrong instead of snapping back at you

 

oohsehun: i was just taken aback because it was kinda unexpected

 

oohsehun: especially coming from you

 

nini: god I’m so happy to hear that

 

nini: I don’t like it when you’re mad at me

 

oohsehun: i don’t like being mad at you either :’(

 

oohsehun: i miss you nini

 

oohsehun: like

 

oohsehun: a lot

 

nini: you know what

 

nini: i haven’t seen you in a hot minute

 

nini: it’s been a while since we’ve hung out

 

nini: just you and me

 

nini: and my mom is out on a girls trip with my sisters in jeju

 

nini: and it’s p darn lonely here,,,

 

nini: and ion wanna drink all this beer by myself,,,

 

nini: do you maybe wanna come over,,,?

 

oohsehun: say no more

 

oohsehun: I’ll be there in 30 <3

 

nini: ( ◠‿◠ )

 

\- - -

 

_**New message from pcyeol!** _

 

_**You are now chatting with pcyeol.** _

 

pcyeol: BRO

 

pcyeol: BRO BRO BRO

 

oohsehun: WHAT BRO

 

pcyeol: nothing I just wanted to talk to you :-)

 

oohsehun: stupid don’t scare me like that I thought something happened

 

pcyeol: wow are you not THRILLED that I, the man, the myth, the legend park chanyeol, texted you first 

 

oohsehun: gosh golly I’m just treMbling in my boots

 

pcyeol: I did want to ask you something tho

 

oohsehun: what is it?

 

pcyeol: I found a p nice groupon for an escape room

 

pcyeol: it’s 64% off

 

pcyeol: joohyun and sooyoung are down

 

pcyeol: n it’s almost sold out

 

pcyeol: n it’s for 4 people

 

pcyeol: n we need one more person

 

pcyeol: n it would be so sad if I didn’t take advantage of this great deal

 

pcyeol: soooooooooo

 

pcyeol: do you wanna come with ?

 

oohsehun: oOF DO I

 

oohsehun: FUCK YE I LOVE ESCAPE ROOMS

 

oohsehun: WHEN IS IT

 

pcyeol: tonight actually

 

pcyeol: I was planning on leaving in an hour or so?

 

oohsehun: count me in :-)

 

pcyeol: aHhh I’m so excited !!

 

oohsehun: me too it’s gonna be sO FUN OOOOF

 

pcyeol: :))

 

oohsehun: wait fuck

 

oohsehun: i told jongin I’d go over his in like 5 minutes

 

pcyeol: aww man :-(

 

pcyeol: maybe next time,,

 

pcyeol: groupon always has p nice deals it’s no biggie :)

 

oohsehun: wait no no I’ll cancel

 

oohsehun: i can go over his any time

 

oohsehun: the groupon waits for no man

 

pcyeol: are you sure?

 

pcyeol: I promise you it’s fine, we hung out two days ago n most of last week anyways

 

pcyeol: I’m sure he wants to hang out with you,,

 

oohsehun: okay but it’s an escape room yeol we can’t miss that

 

oohsehun: trust me it’s okay

 

pcyeol: if you say so,,,

 

pcyeol: I’ll pick you up in an hour-ish??

 

oohsehun: ye ye :-)

 

\- - -

 

_**You are now chatting with oohsehun.** _

 

nini: hey hun are you on your way??

 

nini: it’s been almost an hour

 

nini: take your time I just got a lil worried

 

oohsehun: hey jongin

 

oohsehun: can we take a rain check?

 

oohsehun: i ate chinese today n it’s not sitting well at all :-(

 

oohsehun: my tummy’s in pain

 

nini: :-((((

 

nini: it’s fine ig,,

 

nini: I was just

 

nini: really looking forward to seeing you again ㅠㅠ

 

oohsehun: me too i’m mAd

 

oohsehun: i feel my insides dying kms

 

nini: hunnie, please take care of yourself :(

 

oohsehun: i will, don’t worry

 

nini: do you need me to get you anything?

 

nini: i can run out and get it for you

 

oohsehun: i’m fine, thanks tho :-)

 

oohsehun: i might just sleep i feel like ass

 

nini: okay,,,

 

nini: make sure you drink a lot of water okay?

 

nini: if you need anything at all i’m right down the road

 

nini: get better hunnie !!

 

oohsehun: will do, love you~

 

nini: (^з^)~♡

 

\- - -

 

_**You are now chatting with lord soo.** _

 

nini: hyung

 

nini: help me sos

 

lord soo: What’s wrong?

 

nini: I feel lovesick

 

nini: I apologized to him today n I invited him over but he got sick and even though it’s not his fault my brain is being ugly and telling me he hates me and I’m tired of it ugh :-(

 

lord soo: Jongin :(

 

lord soo: That used to happen to a lot to me too, don’t worry

 

lord soo: Whenever this happened, I’d always distract myself with something else

 

lord soo: I always cooked whenever I felt that way and it helped a bunch

 

lord soo: A TV show, a walk, even studying would help

 

nini: I already tried n I keep thinking of him

 

nini: it be ya own brain,,,

 

lord soo: I wish there was something I could do, I hate it when you’re upset :(

 

nini: well.......

 

nini: it’s so lonely here.. by myself..

 

nini: GEE I wonder what id would be like if I had a small bald headed friend with me right now...

 

lord soo: Oh God...

 

lord soo: Hey Jongin?

 

nini: yeeeees ? (*´꒳`*)

 

lord soo: Is there still room for one more,,?

 

nini: I thought you’d never ask :-)

 

lord soo: You’re impossible ㅋㅋㅋ

 

* * *

 

`hello~!`

 

`i'm sO sorry for having this be so late, finals are coming up and i got hit with a wave of writer's block but i have some ideas up my sleeve and i'm gonna update sooner than expected (hopefully). also too, i'm probably going to make shorter, weekly updates, than longer, monthly updates, since it's a lot easier for me as of right now.`

 

`thank you so much for reading, and as always, kudos and comments are always appreciated!`

 

`-t `♡


	5. jongin fucks up (again)

**_tw: mentions of abuse_ **

 

**Chapter 5**

 

_**You are now chatting with byunbaek.** _

 

pcyeol: BAEKHYUN

 

pcyeol: BAEKHYEUN

 

pcyeol: SEÑOR BAEKHGYUN

 

pcyeol: FICKIYNg BAEKHYDUN

 

byunbaek: WHAT WHAT WHAT

 

pcyeol: HE DID ITSJDJJESJKAJS

 

pcyeol: HE KSISED MESJSJSKSKSJD

 

pcyeol: IMNSHAKING EJDHSJDBDJFMDJDJDJDJSJSJSJDJSJS

 

pcyeol: HESS SONFCUKINF ORECIOUZBDDJDJD

 

byunbaek: NO WAY

 

byunbaek: SEHUN?

 

pcyeol: YESHDHDJEWISISKDHSISJDHWJSJSKDHAKAJSJDJWKDJDJJSDHDKJD

 

byunbaek: HOLY SHIT TELL ME WHAT HAPEPENENDJDJDJWHD

 

pcyeol: hehe you said pepe

 

pcyeol: 

 

pcyeol: bUT

 

pcyeol: OKAY SO I WENT TO AN ESCAPE ROOM WITH JOOHYUN N SOOYOUNG N HIM LAST NIGHT

 

pcyeol: IT WAS REALLY FUNNN

 

pcyeol: joohyun was doing all the work n the rest of us were fucking around with the shit in the room but shhhhhhhhh

 

pcyeol: AFTERWARDS WE WENT TO GET FOOD RIGHT

 

pcyeol: WESHARED AFUCKINGMILKSHAKEDHDJAJDBDJZJDB

 

pcyeol: I CRIED BLOODHDHDHDHS

 

pcyeol: AFTER THAT WE WERE JUST WALKING AROUND N WE FOUND AN ARCADE SO WE WENT

 

pcyeol: HES SO GOOD AT THE BASKETBALL GAME UGH MICHAEL JORDAN IS SHAKING

 

pcyeol: WE WERE AT THE CLAW MACHINE N HE WAS LIKE SOBBING BECAUSE THERE WAS A PORORO TOY THAT HE WANTED SUPER BADLY

 

pcyeol: SO OF COURSE BEING THE GENTLEMAN THAT I AM

 

pcyeol: I SPENT NEARLY NINETY DOLLARS TRYING TO GET THAT FUCKIN THING FOR HIM

 

pcyeol: AND I FINALLY DID

 

pcyeol: AND HE WAS SO HAPPY IT WAS RHE PUREST THING IVE EVER SEEN

 

pcyeol: HIS LITTLE EYES TURNED INTO LITTLE CRESCENTS I FUCKING C H O K E D

 

pcyeol: THE UWU JUMPED OUT

 

pcyeol: BUT AFTER I GAVE IT TO HIM

 

pcyeol: HE HUG GE D MEJSNSANAKKAHDHSJSHDBS

 

pcyeol: HIS WAIST IS SO FUCKIN TINY OH MY GODDHDHDDHD

 

pcyeol: THEN

 

pcyeol: T H IS BITCH

 

pcyeol: PUT HIS HEAD ON YK SHOULDER

 

pcyeol: AND FUCKIN N U ZZ L ED INTO ME

 

pcyeol: HE NUZZLED INTO MESJSJDHSJ

 

pcyeol: THATS WHEN I LOST IT

 

pcyeol: N I COYLDNT HELP MYSELF

 

pcyeol: I WASNT REALLY RHINKING

 

pcyeol: I KISSED HSU FOREHEAD BSJDJSJHSJAJSJSKAAOOSD

 

pcyeol: N I FELT HIM JUMP A LITTKE SO I WAS LIKE FU C K FUC CK FUCKCKDHDJSHDJD

 

pcyeol: N HE TOOK HIS HEAD OFF MY SHOULDER N I WAS FUCKING P A N I CKI NG

 

pcyeol: N THEN IT HAPPENED

 

pcyeol: BITCH DUCKXUNF KI S SED mE

 

pcyeol: I STILL THINK I WAS DREAMINF BECAUSE IR WAS LITERALLY 1 AM BUT FUCKDISBSJDHSJ

 

pcyeol: BARK I DONT KNOW WHAT OD TI ANYMOER HES SO FUKNIGN BEAUTOUGL

 

pcyeol: 

 

byunbaek: this is

 

byunbaek: THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD

 

byunbaek: THIS IS SO SOFT WTF YEOL SKDFKHKJF

 

byunbaek: THEY GROW UP SO FAST

 

byunbaek: MY SON IS GONNA SMASH SOON

 

pcyeol: IM GONNA SMASH

 

pcyeol: HIS HEART WITH MY LOVE AND AFFECTION

 

pcyeol: MY CHEEKS HAVE BEEN HURTING SINCE YESTERDAY NIGHT IM SO AHHHHDJHSJHF

 

byunbaek: what are you gonna do next huh

 

pcyeol: fuck

 

pcyeol: i didn’t think about that iONO

 

pcyeol: just wait n see ig ??

 

pcyeol: now i’m confused damn it baek

 

byunbaek: well you can’t just ignore that it happened lmao

 

pcyeol: i mean i’m not going to ignore it but

 

pcyeol: i’m scared ig ?

 

pcyeol: like,, what if he just made a mistake or something n now i’m sitting here waiting for something to happen when nothing’s gonna happen uGH

 

byunbaek: you need to stop that

 

pcyeol: what

 

byunbaek: stop thinking he doesn’t like you moron

 

byunbaek: i can’t believe you’re the only person who CAN’T tell that he obviously is interested in you

 

byunbaek: it’s so blatantly obvious my dood

 

byunbaek: idk what he sees in you but he obviously sees something sjdhdhd

 

pcyeol: fuck you I’m FANTASTIC

 

pcyeol: I think

 

byunbaek: I mean that’s a little bit of a stretch but

 

byunbaek: you aren’t absolute shit and that’s all that matters !!

 

pcyeol: you know what

 

pcyeol: that actually makes sense

 

pcyeol: wow who knew

 

pcyeol: theres ACTUALLY something in that pea sized head of yours

 

byunbaek: ikr

 

byunbaek: call me socrates because I’m an intellectual

 

pcyeol: why am I still friends with you

 

byunbaek: because I’m an intellectual obviously

 

byunbaek: come on yeol get on my level of intellectual superiority

 

pcyeol: definitely not it but we’ll go with it

 

\- - -

 

_**You are now chatting with oohsehun.** _

 

nini: hey sehun

 

nini: how are you feeling?

 

oohsehun: a lot better actually, but I still feel like I can’t keep anything down

 

oohsehun: time to die

 

nini: please be more careful :(

 

nini: don’t do too much, stay at home n rest !

 

oohsehun: i will

  
  


**\- - -**

 

_**You have 7 new mentions in BODY PILLOW NOONA!** _

 

**BODY PILLOW NOONA**

 

byunbaek: OH FUCKINF. S EHUN

 

byunbaek: @oohsehun GET IN HERE

 

byunbaek: HEY @oohsehun

 

byunbaek: @oohsehun

 

byunbaek: @oohsehun

 

byunbaek: @oohsehun

 

byunbaek: @oohsehun YOU CANT HIDE FOREVER

 

byunbaek: @oohsehun COME IN HERE

 

umin: ooo what’s happening

 

chenchen: i felt my right asscheek tingling is there tea

 

GOD HIMSELF: tea ?????

 

nini: ...

 

oohsehun: the hell is going on

 

byunbaek: DONT PLAY DUMB YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

 

pcyeol: baekhyun

 

pcyeol: be

 

pcyeol: quiet

 

pcyeol: p l e a se

 

oohsehun: elaborate pls I’m confused

 

umin: 

 

GOD HIMSELF: TELL USSSSS

 

byunbaek: I HEARD A LITTLE SOMETHING

 

pcyeol: baekhyun

 

byunbaek: ABOUT YOU AND CHANYEOL

 

pcyeol: baekhyun

 

byunbaek: THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT TSK TSK

 

pcyeol: BAEKHYUN

 

chenchen: HOLD UP

 

chenchen: W H A T

 

chenchen: WH O M

 

umin: WA. IT

 

umin: IN M Y CHRISTIAN HOME

 

GOD HIMSELF: sEHUN

 

GOD HIMSELF: MY SON

 

GOD HIMSELF: HES GROWING UP

 

GOD HIMSELF: GET IT MY BABu

 

xing: baek it’s not nice to spread their personal business if they don’t want to ://

 

oohsehun: ??

 

oohsehun: what are you talking about lmao

 

nini: yeah what _is_ he talking about

 

nini: because according to _you_ , you were at home sick last night

 

oohsehun: i was, which is why I’m confused as to _what the fuck he’s talking about_

 

byunbaek: oh

 

byunbaek: uh

 

byunbaek: I’ve said too much

 

xing: baek....

 

umin: oh shit

 

chenchen: (･_･)

 

GOD HIMSELF: yikes

 

nini: don’t leave I’m actually quite Intrigued by this

 

nini: come back and explain or so god help me @byunbaek

 

chenchen: um

 

umin: what happened?

 

oohsehun: there’s no need

 

oohsehun: i already said nothing happened why aren’t you listening

 

nini: then what is he talking about?

 

oohsehun: i don’t fucking _know_

 

nini: okay so he’ll explain

 

nini: why are you so defensive if you don’t know what he’s trying to say?

 

oohsehun: because you’re saying that I’m lying to you when I’m not

 

oohsehun: do you know how shitty that feels?

 

chenchen: o_o

 

nini: you really are so full of shit

 

nini: your house is two houses down from mine

 

nini: did you really think I wouldn’t see you leaving in his car

 

GOD HIMSELF: oh

 

umin: uhhhhh

 

nini: how stupid do you think I am?

 

nini: you could’ve just fucking told me you were going to hang out with him instead but you lied to me

 

nini: do _you_ have any idea how shitty that feels?

 

nini: ditching me for him is something I expected from you

 

xing: w-what’s happening..

 

nini: but for you to lie to me and think I’m not going to find out, isn’t

 

nini: for the last two months you’ve been treating me like shit and ditching plans last minute and avoiding me like the plague for no reason

 

nini: but I’m still here apologizing to you even when I’m never in the fucking wrong and it’s exhausting

 

oohsehun: excuse me but you of all fucking people have no right to get angry over me lying when you did the same shit to me over and over again

 

oohsehun: and don’t you dare say that you were never in the wrong because we both know everything that happened between us was nobody’s fault but yours

 

oohsehun: you should be fucking thanking me that I even gave you a damn chance after the shit you pulled

 

oohsehun: don’t you fucking play victim that shit isn’t going to work on me this time

 

nini: I’m the one playing victim? every single time you fuck up you bring up what happened, when you know damn well how much I regret it and how many times I’ve told you that I’m sorry

 

nini: and you keep telling me that you accept it and that we’re okay but you keep going back to it and the cycle repeats itself

 

nini: stop making me think that everything is okay with us when you’re still clearly upset over it

 

nini: the funny part is that you know I’m going to keep apologizing for it because you know you mean the fucking world to me and I’m never going to forgive myself for what happened

 

nini: whenever you need someone to talk to, I’m there, whenever you want something, I’m there, whenever you’re bored and you want someone to fuck around with, I’m there

 

nini: you know damn well that you’re taking advantage of me but you don’t care because it benefits you and that’s all you care about

 

nini: but I’m the one playing victim right?

 

oohsehun: if you keep saying that you know what you did was wrong, you’d understand why I keep bringing it up

 

oohsehun: you fucking _hit_ me, jongin

 

oohsehun: do you have even the SLIGHTEST idea what that did to me?

 

nini: and there you go again

 

nini: please just fucking STOP

 

nini: believe it or not I actually do have the slightest idea what it did to you because you always feel the need to remind me, as if I’m not fucking aware of just how badly I fucked up

 

oohsehun: i know you aren’t making this about yourself right now

 

oohsehun: i always knew you were selfish but I truly didn’t think it would go that far

 

nini: I’M FUCKING SELFISH?

 

nini: You’re the most selfish, manipulative, conniving fuck there is, all you ever do is worry about yourself and how shit affects _you_ , you never stop to think about how your actions are going to impact other people because the only fucking human being who matters is _you_

 

nini: I fucked up one time, and even if you’re fucking disgusting, I’m never going to forgive myself for what I did

 

nini: I acknowledge when I fuck up and I do everything I can to make up for it, even when there is no making up

 

nini: but you can do no wrong

 

nini: you can do whatever the fuck you want and no one’s ever going to call you out on your bullshit right?

 

nini: i’ve let your shit slide time and time again because i fucking care enough about you and our friendship

 

nini: i do all i can to keep us on good terms but you make it a fucking nightmare for me because who the fuck cares about how _I_ feel right?

 

nini: if you think that I’m going to let you get away with your shit anymore you’re fucking mistaken

 

oohsehun: you know what

 

oohsehun: fuck you

 

oohsehun: you keep saying that i never think about anyone else or how my fuck ups affect other people, but did you stop to think about how your poor choices would affect the people around you?

 

oohsehun: i didnt think so

 

nini: are you trying to prove my point?

 

nini: I didn’t stop to think, but the difference is that I _learned_

 

nini: you never learned, and you never will learn

 

nini: fuck you, sehun

 

nini: I can’t put up with your shit anymore I’m going to lose my mind

 

oohsehun: you say the same thing every time your feelings get hurt, but go off

 

**\- - -**

 

**New messages from pcyeol!**

 

_**You are now chatting with pcyeol.** _

 

pcyeol: sehun

 

pcyeol: I’m so sorry

 

pcyeol: I didn’t think he was going to be so loud about it

 

pcyeol: I shouldn’t have said anything I’m so so sorry

 

pcyeol: my stomach is turning I’m truly so so sorry

 

pcyeol: please tell me you’re okay

 

pcyeol: I feel sick please tell me everything’s fine

 

oohsehun: I’m fine

 

oohsehun: pissed as fuc

 

oohsehun: but just fine

 

oohsehun: don’t blame yourself it’s not your fault

 

pcyeol: you never told me he hit you

 

pcyeol: god i would’ve never spoken another fucking word to him if i knew he hit you

 

pcyeol: i can’t even explain how angry i am right now

 

oohsehun: don’t be

 

oohsehun: it has nothing to do with you

 

oohsehun: i didn’t mean to say that anyways

 

oohsehun: forget about it

 

pcyeol: sehun i love you but are you out of your mind?

 

pcyeol: when you two broke up you told me he cheated

 

pcyeol: you never told me he was _hitting_ you

 

oohsehun: he wasn’t hitting me

 

oohsehun: it was only one time

 

oohsehun: can you please drop it

 

oohsehun: i wasn’t planning on telling anyone

 

oohsehun: i can’t do this right now

 

pcyeol: i’m sorry

 

pcyeol: youre right its not my place

 

pcyeol: but still im worried about you

 

pcyeol: whenever youre ready to talk about this you know im always going to be here

 

oohsehun: thank you

 

oohsehun: god i’m just so fucking tired

 

oohsehun: im gonna log off i need to sleep

 

pcyeol: alright :(

 

pcyeol: if you need anything im here

 

pcyeol: please feel better

 

pcyeol: i hate seeing you upset

 

pcyeol: sleep well <3

 

**\- - -**

 

_**You are now chatting with lord soo.** _

 

nini: kyungsoo

 

nini: I’m shaking

 

nini: help me

 

nini: please

 

lord soo: I don’t doubt it.

 

lord soo: I never knew shit was this serious.

 

lord soo: In all honesty, I can’t believe you would do something like that...

 

lord soo: You told us you two split because you weren’t right for each other.

 

lord soo: I knew it was bullshit because of how both of you couldn’t stand to be in the same room together, but I never would’ve imagined it was this bad.

 

lord soo: Jongin, why did you do that?

 

lord soo: How could you?...

 

nini: i cant explain it

 

nini: at that moment

 

nini: he made me so angry

 

nini: and hurt

 

nini: i felt my head spin

 

nini: i dont think ive ever felt anything like it

 

nini: i couldnt control myself

 

nini: theres nothing i could say or do to justify what i did

 

nini: but i did it

 

nini: i dont think i realized what i had done until after i did it

 

nini: theres no feeling to describe it

 

nini: i felt like the most repulsive being to ever exist

 

nini: everything stopped

 

nini: and what really hit me the most

 

nini: was when i was going to hug him

 

nini: i was trying to tell him something, anything, to try and show him that i knew i fucked up

 

nini: and he _flinched_

 

nini: he felt so scared of me

 

nini: he flinched whenever i moved

 

nini: and he ran

 

nini: so fast

 

nini: i want to throw up thinking about it

 

nini: the look on his face

 

nini: he looked at me like i was a monster

 

nini: ive truly never felt so fucking disgusted and hateful of myself ever

 

nini: every time i think about it i cant believe that was me who did it

 

nini: god i feel so fucking sick

 

nini: how he ever found a way to forgive me after that is beyond me

 

nini: and now i managed to make shit so, so much worse

 

nini: he had every fucking right to be an asshole

 

nini: i have no place to get mad if he wants to spend time with chanyeol

 

nini: he’s completely right

 

nini: i should be thanking the fucking gods that he ever forgave me

 

nini: i wouldnt be able to do the same

 

nini: god why am i so fucking sick

 

lord soo: I really don’t know what to say to you right now...

 

lord soo: This is a lot to take in.

 

lord soo: Jongin, can I be honest with you?

 

nini: please do

 

lord soo: I don’t think I can help you.

 

lord soo: I don’t think I even _want_ to help you.

 

lord soo: Being completely honest, I don’t even want to talk to you right now.

 

lord soo: I can’t do this right now, I’m sorry.

 

nini: kyungsoo please

 

nini: i need someone

 

nini: please

 

nini: please

 

nini: kyungsoo

 

nini: please dont go im begging you

 

nini: please

 

nini: kyungsoo?

 

**\- - -**

 

_**You are now chatting with byunbaek.** _

 

nini: baek hyung

 

nini: are you still awake

 

nini: please

 

byunbaek: you really have some fucking nerve

 

byunbaek: jongin what the fuck

 

byunbaek: not only that but you told us you just weren’t “ _right for each other_ ”

 

nini: please baek

 

nini: i can explain

 

nini: please

 

byunbaek: you’re so fucking sick

 

byunbaek: don’t fucking talk to me

 

nini: please don’t do this

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. byunbaek will not receive your message.**

 

nini: please

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. byunbaek will not receive your message.**

 

nini: baekhyun im begging you please

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. byunbaek will not receive your message.**

 

nini: ...

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. byunbaek will not receive your message.**

 

**\- - -**

 

_**You are now chatting with chenchen.** _

 

nini: jongdae hyung

 

nini: please answer

 

chenchen: if you think im going to talk to you youre mistaken

 

nini: hyung please

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. chenchen will not receive your message.**

 

nini: no no no please don’t

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. chenchen will not receive your message.**

 

nini: god fuck me

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. chenchen will not receive your message.**

 

**\- - -**

 

_**You are now chatting with umin.** _

 

nini: minseok hyung please tell me you’re still here

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. umin will not receive your message.**

 

**\- - -**

 

_**You are now chatting with xing.** _

 

nini: yixing hyung

 

nini: please help me

 

nini: please don’t block me

 

nini: please

 

xing: Jongin...

 

nini: i know

 

nini: please fucking trust me i know

 

xing: ...

 

nini: please hyung you need to help me

 

nini: i don’t know what to do anymore

 

xing: I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t think you can do anything anymore.

 

xing: I have a project to finish, goodbye.

 

nini: no hyung please

 

nini: please dont

 

nini: ...

 

nini: god

 

**\- - -**

 

_**You are now chatting with GOD HIMSELF.** _

 

nini: junmyeon hyung

 

nini: hyung

 

nini: i know you’re online

 

nini: i can see you’re on

 

nini: please talk to me

 

nini: please

 

nini: how are you going to go offline right after i say this...

 

nini: please hyung

 

nini: god...

 

**\- - -**

 

_**You are now chatting with pcyeol.** _

 

nini: yeol

 

nini: before you see block me please hear me out

 

nini: please for the love of god

 

pcyeol: what the fuck do you want

 

nini: i can explain

 

nini: please

 

nini: i know you hate me right now

 

nini: but please

 

pcyeol: you’re fucking insane if you think i’m going to listen to anything that’s about to come out of your mouth

 

pcyeol: you know

 

pcyeol: after you and sehun broke up

 

pcyeol: i’ve never wanted to physically hurt anyone until you

 

pcyeol: i really wanted to fucking kill you

 

pcyeol: in the 15 years that ive known sehun ive never seen him as wrecked as he was after you

 

pcyeol: the only reason i didn’t cut off all ties with you was because sehun himself told me not to

 

pcyeol: he said he didn’t want others to be mad at you because you didn’t do anything to anyone, only him

 

pcyeol: at that moment, i thought

 

pcyeol: _“he really is one of the best people alive, how could he ever be cheated on and still act this way”_

 

pcyeol: but now that ive figured out the real reason why shit was the way it was

 

pcyeol: i cant describe how much more angry i am

 

pcyeol: so for you to _dare_ to open your fucking mouth

 

pcyeol: and even THINK that sehun was ever selfish

 

pcyeol: that he doesn’t DESERVE to be selfish

 

pcyeol: dear god kim jongin

 

pcyeol: i swear to fucking god you better run if i ever see you near him again

 

pcyeol: i don’t care what the repercussions are

 

pcyeol: i’m going to fucking kill you

 

pcyeol: the fact that you even dared to put a hand near him even when you knew what his pig of a stepfather did to him

 

pcyeol: _jesus fucking christ you better fucking run_

 

pcyeol: i’m going to tell you something

 

pcyeol: i don’t care what sehun says anymore

 

pcyeol: if you ever say a word to me

 

pcyeol: or if i find out you said another fucking word to sehun

 

pcyeol: fucking _run_ , kim jongin

 

pcyeol: don’t you ever come near me or him again.

 

pcyeol: do you understand

 

nini: yeol

 

nini: please

 

pcyeol: _do you fucking understand._

 

nini: ...

 

pcyeol: i thought so.

 

nini: yeol..

 

**ERROR: You are no longer able to send messages to this user. pcyeol will not receive your message.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, first things first, IM LITERALLY SO SORRY OKAY. it's deadass been six months since i updated this and i'm so painfully sorry for not doing this sooner. so much has happened in my life from then until now, i couldn't possibly explain in a short author's note. 
> 
> also, can we talk about how fucking AMAZING tempo is? i've always been an monster + ex'act supremacist, but i think dmumt might just end up dethroning miss ex'act. the acapella bridge, the mv, the outfits, and most importantly, MY BABY ACTUALLY GETTING... LINES??? yall when i say i started deadass sobbing when he actually did that whole verse by himself and it wasn't shared with chanyeol.. PHEW CHILE I FUCKIN CRIEDDDD. and the album itself???? A FUCKIN MASTERPIECE. usually there's always one or two songs i don't like or i need to listen to a bunch to finally like them, but with dmumt, there wasn't a SINGLE one. the only thing i've been listening to since november 2nd is that and kris's new album (which is also a fuckin work of art if you still haven't checked it out.) although it was very difficult, i think i've decided my favorite song is with you. i love songs that make me feel like i'm getting a warm hug (^^). my top three are with you, bad dream, and oasis :)
> 
> but yeah, i'm not going to make any more promises that i can't make, and i can't promise you that i'm going to update frequently, but i can promise you that i'll try my very best to get out regular, non-6-month-long updates haha ^^.
> 
> i also have been writing down a lot of fic ideas that i'm still debating on whether to do or not, since i'm an absolute perfectionist and writing takes a lot of out me. but nonetheless, there's still a possibility for me to write some of those, so stay tuned :))
> 
> as always, i love your feedback so please leave me kudos if you liked this chapter, subscribe if you want to see more, and leave me a comment with your thoughts! you always hear authors rave about how much comments mean to them, and i can tell you they're right, you never realize how a simple comment is so encouraging to the person writing it *&*
> 
> i love you all so much, make sure to stream stream stream!
> 
> \- t ♡


	6. sehun is confused

**BODY PILLOW NOONA**

 

byunbaek: jongdae

 

byunbaek: jongdae

 

byunbaek: jongdae

 

byunbaek: @chenchen ANSWER

 

chenchen: fuckign WHAT

 

byunbaek: i need the bio notes

 

byunbaek: on cell division pls

 

chenchen: the ones from friday?

 

byunbaek: ya

 

chenchen: so about that

 

chenchen: i skipped with chanyeol and sehun i dont have them

 

chenchen: i was gonna get them from j*ng*n but yk

 

byunbaek: ew no

 

chenchen: have you seen him like omgg

 

byunbaek: ya he looks CLAPPED AS FUCK SJDHSJD

 

chenchen: about time karma catches up with him teehee

 

byunbaek: right

 

byunbaek: wait liek is he still in here

 

chenchen: HE IS

 

chenchen: SKSKSJGDSJNS

 

byunbaek: oop !

 

chenchen: youre so mean ssksjdjdjd

 

byunbaek: he had it coming anyways!!

 

byunbaek: okei but liek

 

byunbaek: xing jun and minseok dont have biology explain to me what im supposed to do

 

chenchen: go to class maybe ??

 

lord soo: that’s rich coming from you

 

chenchen: when did you even get here

 

byunbaek: FUCK

 

byunbaek: KYUNHSOO

 

byunbaek: MY ALL TIME FAVORITE DONGSAENG

 

byunbaek: DO U HAVE BIO WITH MS KIM

 

lord soo: no im in ap chem

 

chenchen: noooo iM iN aP ChEm

 

chenchen: show off

 

lord soo: choke

 

byunbaek: why is everyone USELESS

 

oohsehun: oh baek i have them

 

oohsehun: i got them from kibum

 

oohsehun: ill pm them

 

byunbaek: SEHUN

 

byunbaek: MY FAVORITEST DONGSAENG I LOVE YOU MUAH

 

lord soo: fuck uou

 

oohsehun: hehe i loev u

 

byunbaek: i lov u more >:^(

 

oohsehun: impossible i love u MOST ヽ(￣д￣;)ノ

 

pcyeol: wrong u love me most ( ◠‿◠ )

 

byunbaek: ew no thank you

 

pcyeol: not you yr ugly

 

pcyeol: hun <3

 

oohsehun: shut uo hshhdj (〃ω〃)

 

chenchen: throwifn up noises

 

byunbaek: [Announcement] throwifn up noises

 

umin: CUTEEEEEEE

 

lord soo: (*^o^*)

 

byunbaek: fuck you

 

byunbaek: but thats CUTE omff shut up

 

chenchen: sooooooooooo

 

chenchen: whats going on with you two (o-o)

 

umin: ya are you two dating yet ??

 

oohsehun: nosy~

 

oohsehun: we decided we’re going to wait

 

pcyeol: ye what he said

 

oohsehun: we just think its better if we give it time :-)

 

byunbaek: uall r so CUTE grrrr

 

lord soo: yeah im very happy for you two :))

 

pcyeol: hehe thank you ^^

 

byunbaek: FUCK WE’RE GOING DOWN STREAKS

 

byunbaek: I THINK MRS CHOI SAW ME ON MY PHONE FUCK

 

chenchen: moron

 

lord soo: [Announcement] moron

 

byunbaek: THIS IS YOUR FAULT JONGDAE

 

byunbaek: IM BLAMING YOU

 

\- - -

 

**You are now chatting with _oohsehun_.**

 

oohsehun: hey

 

pcyeol: hi ^^

 

oohsehun: m kinda like

 

oohsehun: sad

 

oohsehun: idk why

 

pcyeol: is everything alright??

 

oohsehun: yeah just

 

oohsehun: lonely ig

 

oohsehun: idk im still thinking about what happened

 

oohsehun: its been like,, weeks now n i cant stop thinking about him

 

oohsehun: i dont know if im mad at him or if i feel bad

 

pcyeol: im sorry :-(

 

pcyeol: im going to rip his head off for making you feel this way i swear to god

 

oohsehun: don’t

 

oohsehun: im fine really

 

oohsehun: i know i probably shouldn’t be worrying about him but i am

 

oohsehun: he looks really bad yeol

 

oohsehun: im tempted to go and ask him if hes okay

 

pcyeol: don’t

 

pcyeol: he doesn’t need it

 

pcyeol: that asshole deserved what you said to him

 

oohsehun: i hate this why am i so nice

 

oohsehun: UGH

 

oohsehun: yeol distract me

 

oohsehun: skip last period with me

 

oohsehun: its friday come onnnnnn

 

pcyeol: you read my mind

 

pcyeol: i have a project due in lit that i haven’t started

 

oohsehun: youre never going to graduate ㅋㅋㅋ

 

pcyeol: you aren’t either so its fine

 

pcyeol: we’ll fail together hehe ^^

 

pcyeol: ill meet you in the courtyard ?

 

oohsehun: yeah :)

 

\- - -

 

oohsehun: yeol

 

oohsehun: where did u go :-(((

 

oohsehun: it’s coooooold

 

oohsehun: come baaaaaack

 

pcyeol: you fell asleep right after i started playing the movie and you haven’t eaten anything so i went to get you food

 

pcyeol: you’re quite cute when you sleep hehe

 

pcyeol: i went to get chinese, is that okay??

 

oohsehun: YES OMFG yr the BEST

 

oohsehun: your bed is so comfy i hate u

 

oohsehun: i dont think i ever wanna get out (~_~;)

 

pcyeol: then don’t..

 

oohsehun: i won’t

 

oohsehun: hey hey hey

 

oohsehun: can u ask them for extra wontons

 

pcyeol: yeah ofc

 

oohsehun: thank god you’re useful for somethinf

 

pcyeol: fuck you >:-(

 

oohsehun: maybe if you were here ://

 

pcyeol: ..

 

pcyeol: oh

 

pcyeol: OH

 

pcyeol: SEH un

 

oohsehun: ;))

 

pcyeol: SROP

 

oohsehun: what if i don’t want to..

 

pcyeol: ...

 

pcyeol: if u dont stop i swear to god

 

oohsehun: and what exactly are you gonna do ?

 

pcyeol: .......

 

pcyeol: fuck im coming rn

 

pcyeol: if i crash it’s your fault

 

oohsehun: hurry

  
  


\- - -

 

**You are now chatting with _oohsehun_.**

 

byunbaek: sehun

 

byunbaek: i need the notes pls u never sent them

 

byunbaek: sehun

 

byunbaek: SEHUN

 

byunbaek: HUN

 

byunbaek: HUNNIE

 

byunbaek: SAYHOON

 

byunbaek: SEAHOON

 

byunbaek: SEAHORSW

 

byunbaek: OH SEHUN

 

byunbaek: OHSE

 

byunbaek: i swear to GOD

 

byunbaek: first jongdae now you

 

byunbaek: everyone around me is USELESS

 

byunbaek: im murdering you if you dont give me these DAMN notes

 

oohsehun: busy

 

oohsehun: semd them latwr

 

byunbaek: YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

byunbaek: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BUSY

 

byunbaek: IVE BEEN TEXTING YOU FOR AN HOUR

 

byunbaek: you really must have a death wish oh sehun

 

byunbaek: seriously this kid

 

\- - -

 

**You are now chatting with _pcyeol._**

 

byunbaek: chanyeol

 

byunbaek: i know youre with sehun

 

byunbaek: what is he doing

 

byunbaek: that little shithead needs to GIVE ME MY FUCKIGN NOTES

 

byunbaek: IM GONNA GET LATE POINTS ON THIS IF I DONT TURN THIS IS TODAY

 

byunbaek: CHANYEOL

 

byunbaek: YEOL

 

byunbaek: COME ON YOU FUCKIGN THUMB

 

byunbaek: YEOL

 

byunbaek: IM PREGNANT

 

byunbaek: AND THE BABIE IS YOURS

 

byunbaek: IM STUCK IN A DITCH

 

byunbaek: IM GETTING REDROOMED

 

byunbaek: MY LEG GOT MAULED OFF BY A MOUNTAIN LION

 

byunbaek: CHANYEOL I SWEAR TO GOD

 

byunbaek: I SWEAR TO BUDDHA

 

pcyeol: shut uo im busu

 

byunbaek: THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN “IM BUSY”

 

byunbaek: CHANYEOL

 

byunbaek: im really going to murder both of you

 

byunbaek: PLEASE CLASS ENDS IN 8 MINUTES

 

byunbaek: IVE BEEN ASKING FOR TJESE FUCKIGN NOTES FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF

 

byunbaek: HOW FUCKINF HARD IS IT TO TAKE A PHOTO AND SEND

 

byunbaek: THE FUCK ARE UALL RVEN DOIGN

 

byunbaek: i swear to god im mauling BOTH of you when i see you next

 

byunbaek: everyone said “hey lets all be absolutely useless today and not tell baekhyun”

 

byunbaek: i hate all of you

 

\- - - - - -

 

**BODY PILLOW NOONA**

 

oohsehun: hey uh

 

oohsehun: have any of you by any chance

 

oohsehun: heard anything from jongin

 

lord soo: no

 

byunbaek: ew no

 

xing: i dont think so,,

 

umin: nope

 

byunbaek: hey now that you’re here

 

byunbaek: IM GONNA FUCKIGN KILL YOU

 

byunbaek: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU SO FUCKIGN BUSY FOR YOU COULDNT FUCKING GET IP OFF YOUR FLAT ASS AND SEND ME TNE FUCKING NOTES

 

oohsehun: i told u i was busy

 

byunbaek: YA DOING EHAT

 

oohsehun: things

 

byunbaek: what tHinGs

 

oohsehun: ... nothinggg

 

oohsehun: but

 

oohsehun: yall rlly havent heard from him ??

 

lord soo: why

 

lord soo: is there something wrong?

 

oohsehun: nothing’s wrong

 

oohsehun: just wondering

 

chenchen: um well

 

chenchen: I’ve heard something about him but like I haven’t talked to him if that’s what you mean

 

oohsehun: what is it?

 

chenchen: i was in english n taemins in my class n i had to ask him a question

 

chenchen: but he was really angry

 

chenchen: he snapped at me

 

umin: im cuttign his dick off no ome snaps at by baby ehat the FUCK >:-((((((

 

chenchen: hehe i love uu <333

 

chenchen: BUT

 

chenchen: he said something about abandoning your friends when theyre in need

 

chenchen: apparently hes been talking to j word bc he said his grades dropped so low his parents were going to force him to quit the dance team but he had already quit like a week before

 

oohsehun: wait HE quit?

 

chenchen: ya according to taem

 

chenchen: but ya he was going off it was uhhhhhhhhhhh

 

chenchen: a lot

 

chenchen: i mean i tuned out like halfway through but liek he was rlly rlly mad lol

 

chenchen: BUT ANYWAYS irrelevant teehee

 

chenchen: yall see 3X0’s new comeback mf

 

oohsehun: wait jongdae

 

oohsehun: are you sure you heard right ?

 

oohsehun: like _he_ chose to quit??

 

chenchen: ya taemin was uHh

 

chenchen: quite enthusiastic about making sure i heard everything he had to say !!

 

chenchen: but no one cares he’s irrelevant

 

chenchen: why r u even asking in the first place

 

oohsehun: no reason

 

oohsehun: i think i gtg

 

oohsehun: bye

 

chenchen: umm okai

 

chenchen: AS I WAS SAYING

 

chenchen: FUCKIGNF 3X0’S COMRBACK YALL FUUUUCJ

 

byunbaek: YA MOGHERUFKJFJFJ

 

byunbaek: KAI WEARIGNBA FUCKIGN CROP TOPPPO

 

byunbaek: UOUR DICK MY MOUTJ HOW DOES THAT SOUMD

 

chenchen: OKAY BUT

 

chenchen: MFIGN JD’S PART AT TJE BEGINNING

 

chenchen: HAEV MY FUCKGJIN KKKKKKIDDDDDSSSSSSS

 

umin: THEY REALLY FUCKING SNAPPED THIS TIME

 

umin: I LOEV XIU SO MUCJJJRHFHD PLS HE SO BEAUTOGUL !!!!!

 

umin: 24/7 THE BEST SOMG OFF THAT ALBUM P E RI O D T

 

byunbaek: WRONG ITS WITH YOU

 

xing: both of you shut up BECAUSE ITS SMILE ON MY FACE

 

byunbaek: wow yixing

 

byunbaek: okay

 

byunbaek: i give you my whole heart and you repay me like THIS

 

byunbaek: tjis is not very cash money of u mr yixing ><

 

xing: love u but if you think with you > somf literally eho even ARE UOY

 

chenchen: ALL OF YOU WEONG ITS DAMAGE I DONT MAKE THE RULES

 

GOD HIMSELF: I haven’t been on here in a while but I saw this conversation n I just had to say that all of you are incorrect because it’s CLEARLY OASIS ARE YALL FUCKIGN DEAF

 

chenchen: JUNNNN I MISSED YOU

 

chenchen: BUT FUCK OFF ITS DAMAGE

 

lord soo: all of you shut the fuck up and stop disrespecting the best song off of dmumt GRAVITY

 

byunbaek: imagine thinkign gravitu is better than with you,,,,,,, couldnt be me

 

**_byunbaek_ has changed their name to _ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU._**

 

lord soo: gravity superior bc hoon’s verse n d.o’s vocals <33333

 

lord soo: i love hoon n d.o so MUCH GRRRRR <3333333333

 

xing: HOON GOT SO MANY LINES THIS COMEBACK I CRIEDDDDDD

 

GOD HIMSELF: YESSSS HOON GETTING THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVES <3333

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: hoon looked so fuckign GOOD

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: so sad they didmt let him keep tje red hair for more than five seconds :-(

 

chenchen: hoon gonna get his ass fuckignn DEVOURED by me pls he so HOT

 

xing: [Announcement] hoon gonna get his ass fuckignn DEVOURED by me pls he so HOT

 

chenchen: shove your foot down my throat <3

 

**_lord soo_ has changed the chat name to “ _hoon supremacy_ ”.**

 

lord soo: there we go

 

GOD HIMSELF: i just love 3x0 so much :-((

 

GOD HIMSELF: wish sm would actually pay attention to them and give them the promotion and respect that they deserve

 

xing: RIGHT

 

xing: without 3x0 sm wouldnt have half the things they do now

 

lord soo: just like key said

 

lord soo: growl alone built the sm building

 

GOD HIMSELF: [Announcement] growl alone built the sm building

 

umin: sm gonna catch this fist up their asses >:-(

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: did yall see that thing that happened

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: where hoon and loey had to ride ECONOMY in CHINA,, where their largest fanbase and craziest sasaengs are

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: just out in the open for some crazy rat to attack them

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: while their rookie group gets to ride first class on a european airline....

 

umin: ya seriously sm...

 

umin: not only is that terribly unfair its dangerous as fuck

 

GOD HIMSELF: their batshit mental sasaengs could be around the corner they could get seriously hurt

 

chenchen: what will it take for them to actually treat 3x0 with respect

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: suho buy sm challenge

 

chenchen: [Announcement] suho buy sm challenge

 

lord soo: [Announcement] suho buy sm challenge

 

xing: ya 3x0 is 3x0 why cant they just start their own company n take the rest of sm artists with them

 

lord soo: sex is great n all but sm artists getting treated like human beings instead of cash cows >>>>>>

 

umin: DEADASS

 

GOD HIMSELF: LETS ALL GO N KIDNAP SM ARTISTS N TREAT THEM LIKE THEY SHOULD BE TREATED <333

 

umin: YA JUN GET THE MINIVAN

 

ITSFUCKINGWITHYOU: I GOT THE SNACKS

 

lord soo: LETS GOOOOOO

 

\- - -

 

**You are now chatting with _GOD HIMSELF._**

 

oohsehun: hey

 

oohsehun: junmyeon hyung

 

oohsehun: can i talk to you for a lil bit

 

GOD HIMSELF: ofc hun whats up?

 

oohsehun: theres been a lot on my mind recently

 

oohsehun: n i just kinda need advice

 

GOD HIMSELF: spill

 

GOD HIMSELF: is it about chanyeol?

 

oohsehun: no actually

 

oohsehun: its about jongin

 

GOD HIMSELF: oh

 

GOD HIMSELF: well what about him?

 

oohsehun: just

 

oohsehun: ever since the whole incident

 

oohsehun: i cant stop worrying about him

 

oohsehun: idk if youve seen him around or not but

 

oohsehun: hes in really bad shape hyung

 

oohsehun: n after what jongdae said about what taemin said

 

oohsehun: that h e quit the dance team

 

oohsehun: like,, thats the most worrying part

 

oohsehun: like thats the lowest ive ever seen him

 

oohsehun: he would rather drop dead than quit dancing

 

oohsehun: he wasnt even this bad after we broke up n i know that took a toll on him

 

oohsehun: idk im just

 

oohsehun: scared

 

oohsehun: i want to go talk to him but at the same time i keep thinking about what he said

 

oohsehun: that if im not fully 100% over what happened that i should stop pretending like i am

 

oohsehun: and the truth is that im not

 

oohsehun: and i dont want to keep stringing him around like i am

 

oohsehun: but then again i just

 

oohsehun: i cant do that

 

oohsehun: i cant just let him be when hes acting like that

 

oohsehun: we’ve been best friends since kindergarten

 

oohsehun: ive seen him go through a lot

 

oohsehun: but also too yeol says i should just leave him alone bc he deserves what he’s getting

 

oohsehun: n the rest seem to think the same

 

oohsehun: im so confused on what to do

 

GOD HIMSELF: sehunnie,,,

 

GOD HIMSELF: im going to tell you what i think

 

GOD HIMSELF: no, what i know

 

GOD HIMSELF: i know that you have an absolute heart of gold

 

GOD HIMSELF: because if i was in your situation there’s no way in hell I’d ever bat another eye in his direction

 

GOD HIMSELF: i think you should do what you feel is right in your gut

 

GOD HIMSELF: who cares what the other have to say

 

GOD HIMSELF: because in reality the only people who know fully what happen are you and jongin

 

GOD HIMSELF: this is an issue between you and him and if you want to fix it its up to you two

 

GOD HIMSELF: whatever you choose to do you know ill support it <3

 

oohsehun: i love you so much jun hyung

 

oohsehun: thank you so so much

 

GOD HIMSELF: of course sehunnie

 

GOD HIMSELF: if you need absolutely anything ill be here <333

 

oohsehun: ive gotta go

 

oohsehun: thank you again

 

oohsehun: ill talk to you later

 

oohsehun: i love you <3

 

GOD HIMSELF: love you more <3


End file.
